How to improve relations with your beloved husband: advice from a psychologist. How to improve your relationship with your husband in one sentence How to improve your relationship with your husband

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How to improve family relationships with your husband

Hello! I dug into the statistics and it turns out that the registered number of marriages accounts for about 50% of divorces. The figure is shocking, don't you think? That is, already now more than 600,000 families are on the verge of collapse. Today I will tell you how to improve family relations with your husband, because it is women who are responsible for the rear (intra-family well-being). And as you know, the stronger the rear, the more successful the front! For this, of course, it is worth understanding male psychology.

Travel notes: a happy road to life together

Have you ever wanted to change a person? Tried to break it to fit your needs and Wishlist? Never do this. Any psychologist will enlighten that a person resists influence and does not like to change very much. And how to improve relations if everyone is frozen in their position? It remains to be conscious and start with yourself. And the rest will catch up later ...

“I had a fight with a guy, now we don’t talk”

Common situation. Behavior depends on the source of the quarrel and how long the silence lasts.

As a general rule, don't dwell on the scandal. You should not chat to your friends and suck on the bones, call to complain to your mother. And in the future, learn to control yourself. A storm is brewing - they immediately went somewhere and thought about how and what you would say. Never stoop to threats, pressure on feelings of guilt, insults to your husband and his family, be worthy!

"Pay no attention to me"

Previously, a loved one was gentle, affectionate, and now he walks like a mummy from the sofa to the TV / computer? To return the attentive attitude of your boyfriend, you need to understand why he has changed. Answer the questions:

1. Do you pay enough attention to your soul mate yourself?
2. Maybe you have a small child, climbing the career ladder, or constantly sitting at home and mired in TV shows?
3. Putting a plate with cutlets or washing shirts is not attention, but care / maintenance. How long have you been interested in each other's opinions, compliments, tried to please in bed?

The origins of this behavior may lie in stress and depression.. Maybe you live with your parents, in a small apartment, troubles at work, financial difficulties? Usually these factors greatly suppress the psyche, unless, of course, the faithful is not a gigolo. They can cause an attempt to escape reality into fictional worlds (games, TV shows). In this case, fundamental changes are needed.

To improve family well-being, raise your value as a person. Maybe you've become a maid in the house. And let it sit on your neck. Take care of yourself, your hobbies, separate from your spouse, love yourself more! If long-term efforts do not lead to anything, perhaps the feelings have cooled down completely.

"Screaming and rude to me"

Shouts and rudeness on the part of a man is like a tantrum in women. Let's remember ourselves when we are hysterical. We really want to be heard, recognized! Therefore, emotional male outbursts are easy to prevent, you just have to pay more attention to his words and requests. If rudeness, insults have always been companions of communication and advice does not help, perhaps you are dealing with a character trait or mental difficulties. Check if you have victim syndrome.

"My husband cheated on me"

What to do if a tragedy occurs? First, when you move away from everything that happened, determine how you feel about the traitor. If he is a traitor who broke up a family, then, of course, you will not be able to improve relations after betrayal. If, however, the husband is a close person who made a big mistake and repents of his deed, then it is possible to save the marriage.

I understand that at first people are overcome by emotions and it is very difficult in this case to somehow rationally analyze or abstract. Therefore, whatever one may say, you need to give vent to your emotions, but not on your spouse. There are many techniques and practices on how to get rid of inner anger or resentment. You can go to a secluded place and shout out whatever is on your mind. You can write everything on pieces of paper, and then burn them.

Witch secrets

Women without magic in any way! A few tips from Feng Shui experts on how to keep love feelings:

• Sleep to the right of your missus.
• So that there would be no betrayal, put an amethyst under the leg of the bed for him.
• Use double items in the interior of the bedroom, they enhance love. For example, figurines of animals or people.
• Place mirrors and screens so that they do not reflect the bed.
• Try not to put appliances in the bedroom.
• The approach to the bed should be free from all sides.

I myself once applied some of these tips at home in the hope not to improve, but to meet my love :) That's all for today. I'm wondering, do you believe that feng shui helps to establish family relationships between spouses?
All love and strong unions!
June

However, to begin with, it is worth remembering the reasons why they should not be started at all:

• Pressure from family or friends.
• Loneliness.
• Naive love. When it seems that love is the solution to all problems and the only meaning of life.
• Self-doubt or complexes. This inevitably leads to: we love a partner only as long as he makes us feel better. And in such conditions, real intimacy cannot appear.

1. Be realistic

True love is not at all like romantic love, which makes us not notice the shortcomings of a partner. It's a choice. This is the constant support of another person, regardless of the circumstances. This is an understanding that your relationship will not always be cloudless. This is the need to deal with the problems of a partner, his fears and thoughts, even when you don’t feel like it at all.

Such love is more prosaic, it requires much more effort from partners. But still, it gives a person much more. After all, in the end, it brings the present, and not another short-lived euphoria.

2. Respect each other

This is the main thing in a relationship. Not attraction, not shared goals, not religion, not even love. There will be moments when you start to feel like you don't love each other at all anymore. But if you lose respect for your partner, you won't be able to get him back.

Communication, no matter how open and frequent it may be, in any case, someday will come to a standstill. Conflicts and insults cannot be avoided.

The only thing that will save your relationship is unwavering respect. Without it, you will always doubt each other's intentions, judge your partner's choices, and try to limit their independence.

In addition, you also need to respect yourself. Without self-respect, you will not be able to feel that you deserve the respect of a partner. You will constantly try to prove that you deserve it, and as a result, only your relationship.

• Never complain about your partner to friends. If you are unhappy with something in his behavior, discuss it with him, and not with friends and relatives.
• Be respectful that your partner may have interests, hobbies, and views that are different from yours.
• Consider the opinion of your half. Remember, you are one team. If someone alone is dissatisfied, then you need to look for a solution to the problem together.
• Do not keep everything to yourself, discuss any problems. You should not have taboo topics of conversation.

Respect is directly related to trust. A is the basis of any relationship (not just romantic ones). Without it, there can be no feeling of intimacy and calmness.

3. Discuss all problems

If you don't like something, be sure to discuss it. No one will fix your relationship for you. The main thing for maintaining trust is absolute honesty and openness of both partners.

• Share your doubts and fears, especially those you don't share with anyone else. This will help not only heal some emotional wounds, but also better understand the partner.
• Keep your promises. The only way to restore trust is to keep your word.
• Learn to distinguish between the suspicious behavior of a partner and your own complexes. Usually during one person thinks that his behavior is completely normal, and the same thing seems categorically wrong to another.

Trust is like a porcelain plate. If it falls and breaks, then with great difficulty it can still be glued back together. If you break it a second time, there will be twice as many fragments, and it will also take more time and effort to put them together. But if you drop the plate over and over again, in the end, it will break into such small pieces that it will be impossible to glue them together.

4. Don't try to control each other

We often hear that relationships require sacrifice. There is some truth in this: sometimes you really have to give up something. But if both partners constantly sacrifice themselves, they are unlikely to be happy. Such a relationship in the end will only harm them both.

Each person should be an independent person with their own views and interests.

Trying to make your partner happy (or allowing you to control your own actions), you will not achieve anything good.

Some are afraid to give their partner freedom and independence. The reason for this may be a lack of confidence or self-doubt. The less we value ourselves, the more we will try to control our partner's behavior.

5. Be prepared for both of you to change.

Over time, you and your partner will change - this is completely natural. Therefore, it is important to always be aware of the ongoing changes and treat them with respect.

If you plan to spend several decades together, you need to be prepared for difficulties and unforeseen situations.

Among the significant changes that many couples face may be a change in religion and political views, moving to another country, (including children).

When you start dating, you only know what this person is now. You have no way of knowing what it will be like in five or 10 years. Therefore, you need to be prepared for the unexpected. Of course, it's not easy. But the ability to quarrel properly can help here.

6. Learn to fight

Psychologist John Gottman identified four signs of behavior that indicate a possible breakup:

1. Criticism of character (“You are stupid” instead of “You acted stupidly”).
2. Blame shifting.
3. Insults.
4. Avoiding a quarrel and ignoring a partner.

Therefore, it is worth learning to quarrel correctly:

• Do not recall previous scandals during one quarrel. This will not solve anything, but will only aggravate the situation.
• If the fight escalates, stop. Go outside and walk around a bit. Return to the conversation only when you cool down.
• Remember, someone in a quarrel is not as important as the feeling that you were listened to with respect.
• Don't try to avoid quarrels. Express your pain and admit what worries you.

7. Learn to forgive

Do not try to change your partner - this is a sign of disrespect. Accept the fact that you have disagreements, love the person in spite of them, and try to forgive.

But how do you learn to forgive?

• When the fight is over, it doesn't matter who was right and who was wrong. Leave all conflicts in the past, and do not remember them every month.
• You don't have to keep an account. Relationships should not have winners and losers. Everything should be done and given free of charge, that is, without manipulation and expectation of something in return.
• When a partner commits, separate his behavior from his intentions. Do not forget that you appreciate and love in a partner. Everyone makes mistakes. And if a person made a mistake, this does not mean at all that he secretly hates you and wants to leave.

8. Be pragmatic

Any relationship is not perfect, because we ourselves are not perfect. Therefore, be pragmatic: determine what each of you is good at, what you like and dislike to do, and then assign responsibilities.

In addition, many couples are advised to determine some rules in advance. For example, how will you share all expenses? How much are you willing to borrow? How much can each partner spend without consulting the other? What do you need to buy together? How will you decide where to go on vacation?

Some even hold "annual reports" during which they discuss how to run the business and decide what to change on the farm. This, of course, sounds trite, but this approach really helps to be aware of the needs and requirements of a partner and strengthens relationships.

9. Mind the little things

Simple signs of attention, compliments and support mean a lot. All these little things accumulate over time and affect how you perceive your relationship. Therefore, many advise to continue, get out somewhere for the weekend and be sure to find time for sex, even when you are tired. Physical intimacy not only keeps a relationship healthy, it even helps mend it when things go wrong.

This becomes especially important with the advent of children. In modern culture, they are almost prayed for. It is believed that parents should sacrifice everything for them.

The best guarantee that children will grow up healthy and happy is a healthy and happy relationship between parents.

So let your relationship always come first.

10. Learn to Catch a Wave

Relationships can be compared to waves on the sea. Such waves are different, ups and downs in relationships. Some last only a few hours, others several months or even years.

The main thing is not to forget that these waves by themselves practically do not reflect the quality of the relationship. They are influenced by many external factors: loss or change of job, death of relatives, moving, financial difficulties. You just need to catch the wave with your partner, wherever it takes you.

Standing in a wedding dress or in a strict tailcoat, every girl or guy dreams of a wonderful family life. At this moment, none of them thinks about possible quarrels and contentions after the wedding. But sooner or later they happen, and for many couples this becomes an insurmountable obstacle in creating strong family ties. You need to work on relationships, and know how to improve relations with your husband.

Psychologists say that married couples are a single organism in which the so-called grinding and getting used to each other takes place for some time. There is no one piece of advice that would help all couples to form harmonious relationships. Everyone has their own scenario. But there are practical tips on how to improve relations with a husband or wife, which we will talk about.

Any married couple goes through a stage when quarrels become more frequent in the family. Conflict-free families simply do not exist. Statistics say that out of 100 families, more than 80 couples constantly swear. But for many couples, these kinds of problems are short-term. And for some, the conflict drags on, and in many cases it becomes impossible to save the family without the intervention of a specialist.

Psychologists attribute this to many reasons, but the main one is the complete lack of trust, respect and devotion. This is what often leads to someone, that ordinary domestic quarrels develop into an unresolved conflict between a man and a woman.

In addition, each of us is a person with his own set of feelings, emotions and the ability to demonstrate them. Therefore, during a quarrel, a person behaves differently. There are three types of personality depending on the behavior during the conflict.

1. People who are impulsive, unable to control their emotions and aggression. Therefore, a conflict with them often develops into a scandal, tantrums, breaking dishes. But often, having thrown out the accumulated negative emotions, impulsive people calm down after screaming.
2. Restrained individuals are a great danger. Such people know how to control their actions, but after a quarrel, they may consider a plan of revenge.
3. The third type is conflict-free. This is the type of people who are easily suggestible, they are easy to manipulate and control. They often adhere to the opinions of others and try in every possible way to get away from the emerging quarrel. If it is not possible to avoid it, then they take the image of a “poor sheep” and do not try to object, and after the conflict they are usually the first to go to reconciliation, realizing, perhaps, non-existent mistakes.

Before you understand how to improve relationships in the family, you should highlight the main reasons why misunderstandings occur:

• material problems that need to be solved;
• lack of intimate balance between a man and a woman;
• betrayal;
• strong jealousy;
• different life values, interests, guidelines, positions in raising children;
• struggle for the right to be called the head;
• life and boredom;
• distance marriage.
• bad habits of one of the spouses.

These are the main reasons why many couples start fighting after marriage. But at the heart of all conflicts, psychologists believe, is misunderstanding and inability to listen to each other, to make concessions.

Visualization - as one way to understand the problem

It should be noted that the work on reducing the number of quarrels in a married couple is the task of both partners. How to improve relations with a loved one should be thought not only by a woman, but also by a man who is equally an accomplice in the conflicts that arise.

If a problem has arisen, and a married couple begins to look for ways to improve relations in the family, then psychologists recommend using the visualization method. To do this, both spouses need to imagine the relationship that they consider ideal between a man and a woman. It should be a bright and clear picture, which should be as close to reality as possible.

For example, a woman wants not just a good relationship with herself, but also kisses, hugs, conversations over dinner. And a man imagines complete understanding on the part of his wife and great support in all matters. Everyone will have their own fantasies. At the same time, it is very important to make the picture more voluminous and real. Imagine what you would like to see in your soulmate. Choose those qualities that subjectively can be applied and achieved by your partner.

The visualization method not only helps to understand your desires, aspirations, but also to concretize and get positive emotions, the right direction in your actions.

Fix everything! Basic rules for building relationships

Women's nature, perception and psyche are more sensitive. Each event is perceived by a woman more emotionally. Often this leads to emerging quarrels and subsequent resentment of the spouses against each other.

Psychologists, understanding this nature of female nature, have developed several recommendations that help a woman understand how to improve relations with her loved one. After a quarrel, a woman needs to do three main tricks. They help to understand and assess the current situation, as well as to get out of the problem in the right way.

1. Try to relax, throw off the emotional negative load and look at the situation from the outside.
2. Do not be afraid if you realize that you are wrong in this or that situation.
3. Do not remember the grievances or conflicts that were between you before.

Let's consider each method in more detail.
Learning to think logically in the process of an emotionally negative state is quite difficult. But this is worth learning if you don’t want to look for answers to the question of how to improve relations with a boyfriend or husband in the future. Everyone can scale up a non-existent problem, but not everyone can understand the meaning of the situation and take a sober look at what is happening. And it's worth learning.

The second point in practical advice on how to build a relationship with your loved one after a conflict is not to be afraid to realize that you are wrong. For many women, it is very important to prioritize what is more important in life: be right or harmony of relations. After a while, many understand their mistakes, but it becomes unrealistic for them to admit it. Therefore, conflicts that arise almost from scratch often develop into protracted scandals and resentments. Speaking about your wrong, you do not step over your "I", you just show your love and respect for your partner.

The third way to help you figure out how to mend your relationship with your boyfriend or husband after a conflict is to stop remembering old sins. This is not necessary, especially if that quarrel was resolved positively. If you sincerely forgave each other, then remembering her again does not make sense. This will speak of your insincerity towards your partner.

How to get over a protracted quarrel

If the conflict drags on, then psychologists advise to sort out the situation. To begin with, the couple needs to find enough time to discuss the essence of the conflict. Choose a period so that no one bothers you. It is better to turn off all phones for this period and focus only on solving the problem that has arisen. Start a discussion with the phrase "Our problem arose because of ...", "Tell me your opinion on the situation that has arisen ...".

It is necessary to listen to each other's opinion carefully, even if disagreements arise, do not interrupt, moderate your emotions. Think together about the options for solving the problem and determine what each of the spouses does to ensure that the conflict situation is resolved.

Is it possible to build understanding after losing a family or a loved one?

The situation when the question arises of how to improve relations with a husband or wife arises after a divorce is not uncommon. The emotional fuse passes, and the person understands the value of what he has lost. The same can happen at the stage of meeting two lovers.

Having broken off a relationship, a person may think about how to improve relations with a guy or a girl. If such thoughts arise, then this may indicate feelings of love for your partner, but it may also be a false signal. Most often, if the desire for a loved one to return occurs after a week, then do not rush to draw conclusions. Perhaps this is a manifestation of the habit of established norms of daily life during the period of your relationship with the former. This is not a reason to ask the person to return.

For example, a wife is not used to sleeping alone, a guy is used to telephone conversations with his beloved, etc. To understand whether you need a person and whether you really want him to return, you need to live some time at a distance.

Try to get used to the new way of life. If after a couple of months, having lived at a distance, you are still looking for a meeting with your ex-husband or wife, you still miss him or her, then you should make an effort and try to return the relationship. They can be returned and improved. But in such a situation it is very important that this desire be mutual. Former spouses need to sort out their grievances, forgive and try to return the family idyll. Many couples succeed.

Marriage is not easy at all. This will be confirmed by all people who are married, as well as those who have ever been in it. Sooner or later, the spouses begin to accumulate mutual grievances and claims. They begin to grumble, complain, grumble too often, and sometimes even ignore and despise each other. To one, and possibly both spouses, thoughts come to mind that without this partner in life, he / she would live much better.

However, if you are determined to save your marriage (whether for whatever reason: children, material considerations, memories of a happy past, or perhaps you are just too lazy and afraid of change), then there is good news for you. It consists in the fact that the quality can be significantly improved by taking into account the following:

1. Make a decision for yourself

You cannot change your partner. You cannot force him to behave differently. You will only have to work on yourself. This sad truth is often forgotten. You and only you must decide for yourself once and for all that you choose to remain married to this person (if you choose to do so, of course). From now on, you should keep negative thoughts about him/her away from yourself, not complain about him/her, and not allow others, such as your mother, to criticize him/her.

2. Look for behaviors

You will say: "But how can you not whine and grumble, you just don't know my husband!". I willingly believe. Sometimes it is extremely difficult to resist reproaches. Nevertheless, as G.K. Chesterton said, "It is easy to be a heavy person, it is hard to be light."

Remember your decision to stay married to this person and every time something happens that you do not like, do not react automatically (in the way you used to). Take a deep breath and look for possible solutions.

Example: your husband forgets to pay for electricity for the fifth time (and in your family you agreed that this is his responsibility). Instead of grumbling: “You forgot to pay again! You can’t be entrusted with anything,” look for options.

You can:

1. give your husband a receipt in the morning when he leaves home for work, and additionally call him a couple of times during the day so that he does not forget.
2. grit your teeth, go pay yourself
3. pretend that you forgot about paying electricity. Let your husband deal with the consequences when the power goes out to you.

The option of "paying the bill yourself" is possible, but, of course, you cannot always take on other people's obligations. This option can only be used when performing the smallest and most insignificant assignments.

3. Show care every day

Men! Going to a cafe once on Valentine's Day or giving a bouquet of flowers on March 8 once a year is not enough to show your friend that you love her. If your wife tells you: “You don’t love me and don’t appreciate me,” then it’s useless to answer her: “Yes, I, yes I, I took you to such a cool restaurant on February 14.” Once a year is not considered and is not valued.

There is a rule: "What you do every day is much more important than what you do sometimes." Small acts of caring every day will make your relationship much stronger than some grandiose acts of love, but once a year.

Women generally do not have this problem. They already take care of their husband every day: they cook, wash, iron, and clean. Another thing is that men generally do not appreciate this work and take these manifestations of care for granted. Therefore, women will have to do something beyond what they usually do to strengthen relationships. For example, sometimes give your husband a light massage or bring him dinner on a tray so that he can eat it without looking up from a football match. If you usually do this, then come up with your own, original ways of caring.

Creating love and getting married is not that difficult. This is just the beginning of the journey, the first stage of creating a family. And here save love for many years, strengthening relationships every day... This is our work with you. This is the main women's work, this must be constantly taken care of, developing relationships and filling your home with love. How can I improve my relationship with my husband?

Today we will talk about one of the most important elements of a happy strong relationship. About how to learn accept your husband for who he is. Without judging him, without trying to remake him ... Just accept. After all, this is your husband. This is the man you have chosen to build a family. A man who is called upon to lead you, protect and financially provide (yes, where without it!).

What happens if you don't accept your husband?

1. You are waiting for regular disputes, quarrels, heated situation in the family.

2. The husband will be less willing to do something for the family, spend money on you.

3. Children will grow up in a house where there is little warmth, love and sincerity.

4. You will waste a lot of energy completely for nothing.

5. And the husband will not change anyway.

The conclusions are obvious, right?

What can you do?

It is very difficult to start accepting your husband for who he is. This means - reshape your thinking. It means letting it be the way you don't want it to be. So, to abandon the idea that it can be changed. Finish the fight. Cancel the war. Just relax and accept...

I recommend regularly repeating a wonderful statement to yourself: "I accept you as you are: different, different, new" . Think about it. Especially repeat this when you feel condemnation, resistance, a desire to remake your husband ... Different, different, new. He may be different. Not the way you would like to see it. It may be different. Illogical, constantly changing. It can be new - like you've never seen it before.

This is a brilliant statement. Different, different, new. I accept you the way you are. Let your husband relax, feel loved. Let him take off his armor and leave his weapons at the door. He no longer needs to defend himself at home. You accept him for who he is. Even if it is at odds with your idea of ​​an ideal husband.