Zhvanetsky, we have never lived so well. Winged expressions of Zhvanetsky
Born on March 6, 1934 in Odessa in the family of doctors Emmanuil Moiseevich and Raisa Yakovlevna Zhvanetsky. In 1956 he graduated from OIIMF - Odessa Institute of Marine Engineers with a degree in “Mechanical Engineer of Port Lifting and Transport Equipment”. After graduating from OIIMF, he worked in the Odessa port as an engineer.
IN student years participated in amateur performances, where he began to write miniatures and monologues, which he often performed himself. In 1963, during a tour of the Leningrad Theater of Miniatures in Odessa, he met Arkady Raikin, who took his works into the theater’s repertoire, and in 1964 invited him to his theater as head of the literary department.
Together with Zhvanetsky, Raikin staged the “Traffic Light” program in 1969, in which Zhvanetsky’s miniatures “Avas”, “Scarcity”, “Age of Technology” were first performed.
While working at the A.I. Raikin Theater, he creatively collaborated with Roman Kartsev and Viktor Ilchenko, for whom he wrote more than three hundred miniatures and monologues.
Then he performed independently at the Odessa Philharmonic, then at the Moscow Hermitage Theater, where he gained popularity.
Since 1988, he has been the artistic director of the Moscow Theater of Miniatures, which he created. In 1991 he starred in an episode of the film “Genius”.
Since 2002, he has been a permanent presenter in the original format TV show “Duty in the Country” on Russia 1 channel.
APHORISMS AND QUOTES OF M. ZHVANETSKY
Funny monologues Mikhail Zhvanetsky at one time they spread among the people like Vysotsky’s songs. Citizens copied tape recordings from each other, so millions tried to listen to the “head of the transport department.” We bring to your attention the best one-liners from the birthday boy.
About life
A long live line is better than a short automatic line.
Better a belly from beer than a hump from work.
It is better to remain silent and seem like a fool than to speak up and leave no doubt about it.
It is better to make love with difficulty than to make love with labor.
It's better to be covered in sweat seven times than frost once!
Better a small dollar than a big thank you.
One head is good, but with a body it’s better.
I would like to die like my grandfather - in his sleep... And not like his passengers - screaming in horror.
About cars
The pedestrian is always right. Still alive.
He was crossing the street at a red light and was hit by an oncoming pedestrian.
Any car will last you for the rest of your life if you drive hard enough.
I drive too fast to worry about cholesterol!
Since I started driving, I have become more careful when crossing the road.
The main thing is not to cross the street into the next world.
About intelligence
All people are brothers, but not all are brothers.
Wisdom does not always come with age. It happens that age comes alone.
A bald spot is a clearing trampled by thoughts.
A thought is only a thought when it is thought with the head.
You want everything at once, but you get nothing gradually.
Everything is going well, just passing...
It's a shame when your dreams come true for others!
It’s not enough to know your worth—you also need to be in demand.
How difficult it is to crawl with your head held high!
The idea came to his mind and now his brain is persistently searching for it.
About animals
Scientists Harvard University found that white mice reproduce much better if they are not disturbed by scientists at Harvard University.
The most unfortunate animal is the octopus. He has legs from his ears, and his arms from his ass, and his ass itself has ears.
The last words of the two lion tamers: “How? I thought YOU fed them!?!”
It's hard to be the last bitch - there's always someone behind you!
Crime and Punishment
No matter how much you steal from the state, you will not get yours back.
The best alibi is to be a victim.
You can't stop living beautifully. But you can interfere...
By the time you measure seven times, others will already be cut.
It’s not enough to find your place in life, you have to find it first.
About the time
How quickly time flies: you don’t even have time to wake up and you’re already late for work.
All the greats have died long ago, and I’m not feeling well either.
You don’t sleep all day, don’t eat all night - of course you get tired...
Everything in this world is relative. For example, the length of a minute depends on which side of the toilet door you are on.
Did you know that a thrifty housewife cuts meat for the holiday table into very thin slices? And the cunning guest eats them five at a time.
If…
If you add up a dark past with a bright future, you get a gray present.
If a person knows what he wants, it means he either knows a lot or wants little.
If a person cannot be bought, then he can be sold.
If someone appears ready to move mountains, others will surely follow him, ready to break his neck.
If you're arguing with an idiot, he's probably doing the same thing.
If your relatives or friends don’t call you for a long time, then everything is fine with them.
Philosophical
Of two evils, I choose the one I haven’t tried before...
The wind blew so strong that cigarettes were thrown out along with your teeth...
Microbes slowly crawled over Lefty’s body, hardly dragging the horseshoes behind them...
The one who finds the exit is trampled first
In the beginning there was the Word... However, judging by how events developed further, the Word was unprintable.
Born to crawl, he can crawl everywhere.
What they fertilized is what grew.
It’s good not just where we are not, but where we have never been!
A person's character can be judged by how he behaves with those who cannot be of any use to him, as well as with those who cannot fight back.
Whenever I remember that God is just, I tremble for my country.
I have infinite respect for the monstrous choice of my people.
There are three reasons for no-show: forgot, drank or scored.
And the wolves are fed, and the sheep are safe, and the shepherd has eternal memory.
The highest degree of embarrassment is two glances meeting through a keyhole.
In some, both hemispheres are protected by the skull, in others - by pants.
Never exaggerate the stupidity of your enemies and the loyalty of your friends...
Nothing hurts a person more than the fragments of his own happiness.
Only on your birthday do you find out how many unnecessary things there are in the world.
Good always defeats evil, which means whoever wins is good.
No need to run from a sniper, you'll just die tired
Citizens! Fly with Aeroflot planes! Hurry up! There are very few of them left.
Should I help you or not interfere?
A well-mannered man will not reprimand a woman who does not carry a sleeper well.
Don't tell me what I need to do and I won't tell you where you need to go.
There are a number of questions that need to be answered before surgery. One of them: who to call in case of complications. I answered: to a more competent doctor.
There is no difference between sick and healthy. Sick people spend energy moving away from death, healthy people spend energy moving closer to it.
When you are faced with a choice: to speak or remain silent, choose the second. Silence will allow you to build only guesses about you, words will allow you to draw conclusions. – Mikhail Zhvanetsky
A multifaceted personality is a dubious compliment. Maybe they mean that you are a boor, a dumbass, a bastard and an egoist at the same time.
I've always felt sorry for octopuses. The poor fellows really have arms growing out of their butts. And on the ass there are ears.
They say that only fools laugh without a reason. And for some reason they forget about pretty girls...
Zhvanetsky: Even if a person cannot be bought, you can try to sell him.
The main thing is that those who can turn the world upside down should not be followed by others who can turn the world upside down.
With this wind, let alone light a cigarette, I can’t even get a pack...
To succeed in business, you need to learn not from your own mistakes, but from others.
Read the continuation of the famous aphorisms and quotes of Zhvanetsky on the pages:
To start from scratch, you still have to crawl up a long way
Kalashnikov answering machine.
Rudeness is not rudeness, it is what is formed from the combination of rudeness and ignorance with cowardice and impudence
The pedestrian is always right. While alive
The writer did not disappear because of television, but the reader did
No need to run from the sniper, you'll just die tired.
It’s better to remain silent and seem like a fool than to speak up and leave no doubt about it
Fortune smiles on the brave... And then laughs at them for a long time!!!
Don't tell me what I need to do and I won't tell you where you need to go.
There is always a place for heroic deeds in life. You just need to stay away from this place.
Every person is right in his own way. But in my opinion, no.
Nothing hurts a person more than the fragments of his own happiness.
A pessimist is walking down the street, followed by two optimists in civilian clothes...
People, houses, graves live very briefly in this country
Microbes slowly crawled over Lefty’s body, hardly dragging the horseshoes behind them...
Sorry, I'm saying when you interrupt.
I have infinite respect for the monstrous choice of my people
The best alibi is to be a victim.
What you fertilized is what grew
The one who finds the exit is trampled first
What is most difficult for a person is what is not given to him.
A clear conscience is a sign of poor memory.
Scientists at Harvard University have found that white mice reproduce much better if they are not disturbed by scientists at Harvard University.
The idea came to his head and now his brain is persistently searching
By the time you measure seven times, others will already be cut.
An idealist is someone who, noticing that a rose smells better than cabbage, concludes that the soup made from it will be better...
Whenever I remember that God is just, I tremble for my country
I remember in ’43 my legs hurt so much!.. but I bought 45 and it was fine...
The last words of the two lion tamers: “How? I thought YOU fed them!?!”
Friends are known in trouble, if, of course, you can find them.
The crew bids you farewell and wishes you a pleasant flight...
If your relatives or friends don’t call you for a long time, then everything is fine with them.
It's better to have lunch without an appetite than to have an appetite without lunch.
Everything is going well, just passing...
How quickly time flies: you don’t even have time to wake up and you’re already late for work.
How difficult it is to crawl with your head held high!
People are divided into those who can be relied on and those who need to be relied upon.
Everything in this world is relative. For example, the length of a minute depends on which side of the toilet door you are on.
Positive emotions are emotions that arise if you put everything...
They greeted me based on my clothes and greeted me poorly too...
He was crossing the street at a red light and was hit by an oncoming pedestrian.
The lottery is the most accurate way to count the number of optimists.
It's better to be covered in sweat seven times than frost once!
Wisdom does not always come with age. It happens that age comes alone
It is better to make love with difficulty than to make love with labor.
If you're arguing with an idiot, he's probably doing the same thing.
To start from scratch, you still have to climb a long way to get there.
It's hard to make history, but it's easy to get into trouble
Everything is going well, just passing...
It’s not enough to know your worth—you also need to be in demand.
Frivolity is feeling good at your own peril.
Don't drive faster than your guardian angel can fly.
You don’t sleep all day, don’t eat all night - of course you get tired...
There is a genius sleeping within each of us. And every day it gets stronger...
Never exaggerate the stupidity of your enemies and the loyalty of your friends...
It's a shame when your dreams come true for others!
A thought is only a thought when it is thought with the head.
What a wonderful child you have! Is it a cute boy or a scary girl?
The more I look in the mirror, the more I believe Darwin.
If a person knows what he wants, it means he either knows a lot or wants little.
Learning is light, and ignorance is pleasant twilight.
If you add up a dark past with a bright future, you get a gray present.
Better a belly from beer than a hump from work.
Since I started driving, I have become more careful when crossing the road.
Good always defeats evil, which means whoever wins is good.
A long live queue is better than a short machine gun queue.
It's better to laugh at you than to cry.
You can't stop living beautifully. But you can interfere...
It’s not enough to find your place in life, you have to find it first.
The one who finds the exit is trampled first.
Sorry, I'm saying when you interrupt
We promise and promise, promise and promise, but it’s still not enough for them!
Only on your birthday do you find out how many unnecessary things there are in the world
In the beginning was the Word... However, judging by how events developed further, the Word was unprintable.
How quickly time flies: I didn’t have time to wake up and was already late for work
Better lunch without appetite than appetite without lunch
If a person knows what he wants, it means he either knows a lot or wants little
He doesn't have a face, but an object for intramuscular injections
One head is good, but with a body it’s better.
He does not have a face, but an object for intramuscular injections.
The main thing is not to cross the street into the next world
The main thing is not to cross the street into the next world.
In the beginning was the Word... However, judging by how events developed further, the Word was unprintable
What roof doesn't like driving fast?
Citizens! Fly with Aeroflot planes! Hurry up! There are very few of them left.
All people are brothers, but not all are brothers.
An optimist believes that we live in the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears that this is true
People are divided into those who can be relied on and those who need to be trusted.
It's hard to make history, but it's easy to get into trouble.
A well-mannered man will not reprimand a woman who does not carry a sleeper well.
If you get your ass licked, don't relax - it's lubricant!
Came - thank you, left - thank you very much...
Any car will last you for the rest of your life if you drive hard enough.
Of two evils, I choose the one I haven’t tried before...
Nothing hurts a person more than the fragments of his own happiness.
It’s so difficult to think, that’s why most people judge.
Should I help you or not interfere?
My child looks like his mother... He screams loudly, piercingly! But my eyes are guilty, running...
I drive too fast to worry about cholesterol!
So that I can see you on crutches, and you can see me with one eye!
To save a drowning person, it is not enough to extend your hand - you need him to offer his own in return.
How much do you have to hate this country to leave your apartment after such renovations?
What a pity that you are finally leaving...
By the time you measure seven times, others will already cut
Better a small dollar than a big thank you.
You want everything at once, but you get nothing gradually.
The highest degree of embarrassment - two glances meeting through a keyhole
Wisdom does not always come with age. It happens that age comes alone.
Everything in this world is relative. For example, the length of a minute depends on which side of the toilet door you are on
Only on your birthday do you find out how many unnecessary things there are in the world.
A bald spot is a clearing trampled by thoughts.
There is always a place for heroic deeds in life. You just need to stay away from this place
Learning is light, and ignorance is pleasant twilight.
An optimist believes that we live in the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears that this is so.
Don't drive faster than your guardian angel can fly.
Sharp quotes, funny aphorisms from Odessa resident, satirist Mikhail Mikhailovich Zhvanetsky.
One wrong move and you're the father
What is our life: if you don’t get used to it, you’ll die, if you don’t die, you’ll get used to it.
What do you want most when you climb up? Spit down.
To save a drowning person, it is not enough to extend your hand - you need him to offer his own in return.
If a person knows what he wants, it means he either knows a lot or wants little.
If you're arguing with an idiot, he's probably doing the same thing.
What a pity that you are finally leaving...
A real family occurs when no one needs both.
Sometimes they drink because they have nothing to do, sometimes they do because they have nothing to drink, and sometimes they die because they have nothing to drink and nothing to do.
A decent person can be easily recognized by how clumsily he does mean things.
Better a small dollar than a big thank you.
Only on your birthday do you find out how many unnecessary things there are in the world.
He's an old fool. Although age has nothing to do with it.
If you can't love, stay friends!
Fools love to punish smart people. Firstly, they raise themselves. Secondly, they turn out smarter. Thirdly, everyone sees who is in charge. The only thing is that they don’t know what to do afterwards.
Everything is going well, just passing...
It’s not enough to find your place in life, you have to find it first.
Life is like a piano: the key is white, the key is black... the lid.
You sit at home - it seems like everyone is sitting at home. When you go out into the street, it seems like everyone has gone out. You get to the station and you think, well, everyone is off. In the hospital, it seems like everyone is in there; at the cemetery - everyone is dying. Well, there are a lot of us. There's enough for everything. And everywhere too much.
Old age approaches like a train: here it is still there, and now it is already here.
We promise and promise, promise and promise, but it’s still not enough for them!
We may not have anything. We may not have everything. With us, whatever you want, we may not have it.
The sick and the healthy live the same time, only the energy that the sick person spends on moving away, the healthy one spends on approaching the bright light at the end of the tunnel.
It is better to remain silent and seem like a fool than to speak up and leave no doubt about it.
How much does a person need to be completely happy? - Few!? But only so that others have even less.
Never exaggerate the stupidity of your enemies and the loyalty of your friends...
The one who finds the exit is trampled first.
Positive emotions are emotions that arise when you put everything...
Don't tell me what I need to do and I won't tell you where you need to go.
Good always defeats evil, which means whoever wins is good.
Scientists at Harvard University have found that white mice reproduce much better if they are not disturbed by scientists at Harvard University.
In some, both hemispheres are protected by the skull, in others - by pants.
An optimist believes that we live in the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears that this is so.
There are three reasons for no-show: forgot, drank or scored.
It's hard to be the last bitch - there's always someone behind you!
They greeted me based on my clothes and greeted me poorly too...
There are no happy endings. If you're happy, it's not the end.
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Today website I chose the most striking sayings and aphorisms of my favorite satirist.
About life
- It's hard to make history, but it's easy to get into trouble.
- Fortune smiles on the brave... And then laughs at them for a long time!
- Alcohol in small doses is harmless in any quantity.
- The highest degree of embarrassment is two glances meeting through a keyhole.
- An optimist believes that we live in the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears that this is so.
- Everything is going well, just passing by.
- There are no forbidden things, there are things that are not recommended.
- You want everything at once, but you get nothing gradually.
- In the beginning there was the Word.... However, judging by how events developed further, the Word was unprintable.
- You don't sleep all day, don't eat all night - of course you get tired...
- Wisdom does not always come with age. It happens that age comes alone.
- Any car will last you for the rest of your life if you drive hard enough.
- The most unfortunate animal is the octopus. He has legs from his ears, and his arms from his ass, and his ass itself has ears.
- It is better to work with love than to make love with difficulty.
- Only on your birthday do you find out how many unnecessary things there are in the world.
- A clear conscience is a sign of bad memory.
- Are you happy? At different times this question was answered in different ways, but always in the negative.
- There are no happy endings. If you're happy, it's not the end.
- It is a great happiness to see a real bloody heroic life and not participate in it.
- Happiness is seeing the toilet and having time to run to it.
- You can't stop living beautifully. But you can interfere.
- If you're arguing with an idiot, he's probably doing the same thing.
- I said: “Either I will live well, or my works will become immortal.” And life again turned towards works.
- Good always defeats evil, which means whoever wins is good.
About Russia
- Russia is a country of talents. There is a lot of talent - there is no one to work with.
- When does it feel like the whole world is lying? When they tell you on the plane that the time difference between Moscow and New York is only 8 hours.
- The history of Russia is a struggle between ignorance and injustice.
- Our freedom is like a traffic light with three lights on at once.
- We may not have anything. We may not have everything. With us, whatever you want, we may not have it.
- In a country where everyone sneaks along the fence, it is not so easy to ask for directions.
- Today the words: “There is one good program on television...” are reminiscent of a denunciation.
- A normal person in our country responds to his surroundings in only one way - he drinks. Therefore, a non-drinker is still a bastard.
- No one can lead us astray - we don’t care where to go.
About a human
About serious things
- Life is short. And you need to be able to. You have to be able to walk away from a bad movie. Throwing away a bad book. Move away from bad person. A lot of them.
- Nothing hurts a person more than the fragments of his own happiness.
- What is the writing life? Not a single thought out loud. What is writer's death? The publication.
- Well, at least five minutes a day think badly about yourself. When they think badly of you, that's one thing... But talking about yourself five minutes a day... It's like thirty minutes of running.
- Never exaggerate the stupidity of your enemies or the loyalty of your friends.
- Real loneliness is when you talk to yourself all night and no one understands you.
- Guys, if we're up to our necks in shit, let's join hands!
a site based on M. Zhvanetsky’s books “Collected works in 5 volumes”, “Favorites”, as well as materials from the satirist’s speeches.
Photo from the archive of Mikhail Zhvanetsky.
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