How many spiritual children can a priest have? Who is a spiritual father? How to determine when a Christian has Angel Day

“A confessor must be ready to go to hell for his children”

Have pastors and flocks changed over twenty-five years of church freedom, is it possible to find a real confessor today, and what should a person do who is looking for spiritual guidance, but does not find an experienced priest? The answers to these and other questions about clergy are in an interview with Archpriest Valerian Krechetov, who served as the confessor of the Moscow diocese for a long time.

Formula of clergy

What is clergy in general and what level of responsibility does the one who takes on the responsibilities of a spiritual father have? Archpriest Valerian Krechetov says:

“Of course, spiritual guidance is important and necessary, but the requirements for a spiritual father are very high. One day I left the church, and some woman suddenly ran after me: “Father, what should I do? My confessor told me: “I don’t want to go to hell because of you!” I answered something, and soon I went to Mount Athos and ended up with an old man. A confessor came to him, who had been cared for by Elder Paisius for 20 years. And that elder told me the formula of a real spiritual father: “Only a priest who is ready to go to hell for his spiritual children can be a spiritual father.” The most amazing thing is that I didn’t tell him about the question that woman asked me, but he repeated her words word for word, only in the opposite direction.”

The Militant Church and the Secret Church

— Twenty-five years of church freedom is already a whole era. If we compare the 1990s and our days, how has church life changed over the years? How have the parishioners changed?

— When they talk about Soviet times, I always remember the book of St. Nicholas of Serbia “The Tsar’s Testament.” Talking about what is happening on the Kosovo field in Serbia, he explains very well in a spiritual sense what is happening in the world. When King Lazarus prayed on the Kosovo field before the battle, he had to choose one of two kingdoms: earthly or heavenly. He chose the Kingdom of Heaven, and according to prophecy, both the army and the power, and he himself suffered death.

But during the battle, an angel appeared before the king and said that his power must perish in order for the soul of the people to be saved: “The power is given to the people, so that there will be something to perish in his place, so that there will be something to give as ransom for the people’s soul. Such a deal is profitable when you buy a treasure for an inexpensive price [and you save the soul of the people and gain the Kingdom of Heaven!]. Worship the One who destroys what is cheap so that what is precious may be preserved; He who cuts the straw, let the grain be preserved.”

There is a war of evil against good in the world, and our Church is militant, but it is not she who starts the war, but people who fight against her. And if everything around is dying here on earth, this does not mean that everything is bad. Every cloud has a silver lining.

I once heard an interesting parable. One person comes to the elder and says: “Father, everything is going well for you, but nothing is going well for me, why?” The elder tells him: “Patience is needed.” - “What is patience? You endure and endure, what is the use of this? It’s like carrying water in a sieve!” And the elder replies: “Wait until winter.”

This is exactly what was predicted in this parable and has now happened. After all, it would seem that everything had already been decided, the Church was finished, everyone was imprisoned and shot, but a host of holy martyrs appeared, and people became hardened in war. And while the Church was under persecution, it held firm.

Outwardly there was persecution, outwardly there was nothing left, everything was over, but the believing people remained. The Monk Seraphim spoke about this beautifully, he cited as an example the times of the prophet Elijah, when “all the sons of Israel forsook Your covenant, destroyed Your altars, and killed Your prophets with the sword, I was left alone, but they are also looking for my soul to take it away.” It was Ilya, the prophet, who, with his eagle’s eye on life, did not see anyone around who was faithful except himself. And the Lord told him that “there are still seven thousand men among the Israelites who did not bow their knees to Baal and whose lips did not kiss the idol.” Seven thousand! That is, there were so many faithful whom the prophet Elijah did not see.

And the Monk Seraphim says: “How much will we have?” During the times of persecution, many believers occupied government positions, but almost no one knew that they were Orthodox. This was the same, as they now call it, secret Church, which was never separated from the official Church, but hidden from the world in order to preserve the faith.

And now it turned out, as in the parable of the sieve - everything was spilled in the sieve, and now winter has come, that you won’t be able to carry this water.

And I personally experience this myself, because now a priest, if he really works, does not have enough strength or time - the need for it is so great. And this is precisely the most difficult moment, because many have rushed into the priesthood, and this service is the highest, most complex and most responsible.

Even if a young person studies in special educational institutions, science is only the tip of the iceberg. Spiritual life is so complex and diverse that there are only a few specialists in this area.

As the elders say, the gift of the priesthood, clergy, is special. “The gift of reasoning is higher than the gift of humility,” that is, reasoning about how to act—where and when to remain silent, when to act—is very difficult to learn. As the Bible says: “A wise man remains silent for a time; but a madman speaks without time.”

— So now, when there is no open persecution of the Church, the focus of the problem has shifted from the external world to the internal life of the Church itself? And here the role of the priest is great, is his spiritual experience important?

- Yes, now there is an opportunity to say a lot, but it’s not so easy, and what to talk about? One man told me an interesting incident from his life. He was a philologist, studied at Moscow State University, and they had an Armenian teacher who told the students: “Young people, here you are studying different languages, but will you tell me what you will talk about in these languages?”

And really - what is it about? And I always quote Mayakovsky’s words:

They harass a single word for the sake of
Thousands of tons of verbal ore.

It happens that you read political articles, but if you take a closer look, it’s good if there is a single word of substance. Moreover, it is not easy to talk about spiritual topics.

The spiritual word has no power if it is divorced from heart activity, from spiritual experience. Another religious philosopher Ivan Kireyevsky said:

“Thinking, separated from the heart’s aspiration, is the same entertainment for the soul as unconscious gaiety. The deeper such thinking is, the more important it is, apparently, the more frivolous it actually makes a person. Therefore, serious and powerful study of science also belongs to the number of means of entertainment, a means of dispersing oneself, of getting rid of oneself. This imaginary seriousness, imaginary efficiency accelerates the true one. Secular pleasures do not work so successfully and not so quickly.”

Involvement in discussions on spiritual topics, divorced from heart activity, from spiritual experience - entertainment is more harmful than secular. It’s just an appearance of the spiritual, but there is no essence.

Rights without responsibilities

- In the Psalter there are such words: “We mocked at Your justifications.” But with us, to mock is to mock, to blaspheme, but in fact, the first meaning of this word is to reflect. But reflections are then justified when they are connected with spiritual experience, with heart activity, and if they are separated from it, this is mockery. Now, for example, many have begun to speak and write on spiritual issues, but have no experience. It turned out that some people mock the true word.

According to the logic of the world, people become smarter, smarter and smarter, but, unfortunately, this is not the case. Because intelligence is not the amount of knowledge. Aristotle said: “A lot of knowledge does not presuppose the presence of intelligence,” and passion for knowledge and neglect of morality is a movement not forward, but backward.

One day, an atheist came to me who believed in the origin of man from apes. He wanted to baptize his daughter, but complained that he could not cope with her. And I told him that, according to his beliefs, he would never cope with her, because why should his daughter listen to him if he recently fell from the tree?

In fact, man came out of the hands of the Creator perfect, but without experience. Of course, in order to become like the Creator, he also had to improve, “become perfect, even as your Heavenly Father is perfect.” And Saint Nicholas of Serbia said that the first people did not know much, but they understood everything. Gradually they began to know more, but understand less. It turns out that you can know a lot, but understand nothing. As one servant of God noted, looking at modern man:

The soul burned out, went out,
got old, got into a robe,
but, as before, it is not clear to her
what to do and who is to blame.

What to do, who is to blame—people usually ask these age-old questions. Due to the state in which the world has now plunged, many have rushed to the Church. And, unfortunately, few understand that everything that happens is the fruit of sin, and they try, without taking into account what is most important, to figure out what to do and who is to blame. Therefore, the questions that people ask in confession are no longer about how to save their soul, but how to arrange happy life for yourself on earth.

— What problems worry people most now?

“Unfortunately, more often than not people only care about their own personality, the “ego.” There has become a lot of egoism. People used to be more humble.

Now everyone wants to live in their own way - without responsibilities, but with their own rights. For example, the so-called civil marriage - open fornication without responsibilities - has spread everywhere. But when a person is going to start a family, he must at least halve his desires and prepare to at least double his responsibilities. But with us they don’t want to give up their desires, but there are no responsibilities at all.

When getting married, you need to ask: “What do you want: to have a wife, to have children, to have a household, or: to be a husband, to be a father, to be a master?” To be or to have? Being presupposes life. To be someone is to have responsibilities. If this is a husband, he has his own responsibilities, if a father, he has his own responsibilities, if a director, he has his own responsibilities. And we have? I ruined my family, and who is to blame? Usually both are to blame, and the one who is smarter is more to blame.

Strictly speaking, what is a people? The people are many families. The family is a small Church, the family is the basis of the state. And therefore, the collapse of the state occurs due to the collapse of the family.

How to find a confessor and is it necessary to look for one?

— How to find a confessor? What should you do if you can’t find spiritual guidance?

“You definitely need to go to Church and receive communion, and then pray that the Lord will send a confessor.” And if he sends it, so that the Lord will give him understanding. Because there is a saying that the holy fathers did not always have good novices. There are examples when novices were so humble and devoted that they themselves were saved, and the Lord saved their spiritual mentors, who were unworthy.

And vice versa, next to the saints, not all were saints. Among the 12 apostles, one was Judas. Much depends on the person himself.

Spiritual guidance is important and necessary, but the requirements for a spiritual father are very high. His ministry is based, first of all, on sacrificial love, which is the love of God. And therefore, if the Lord gives this holy feeling, then everything falls into place.

There is a book about the priesthood of Bishop Arseny (Zhadanovsky), where he recalls that when the Lord restored the Apostle Peter to apostolic dignity, He did not demand anything from him, only love: if you love Me, feed my sheep. That is, if there is love, there is a shepherd and a confessor. And if there is no love, then there is no true shepherding.

—What should a person do who is looking for spiritual guidance but cannot find an experienced priest? Should you humble yourself when communicating with an inexperienced confessor and do it your own way?

— The most important thing is to remember that everything is controlled by God’s providence. The Lord can give understanding. And we need to pray to both the flock and the shepherds. Sometimes people ask me something, but I can’t answer. I'm not ashamed to say: I don't know. There is a saying: God is never in a hurry, but he is never late. In life, everything happens in due time. Rely on God, and He will work everything out for spiritual benefit.

Remember the example given to us in the Gospel? The beaten and bound Savior stands before Pilate. And Pilate says: “Are you not answering me? Don’t you know that I have the power to crucify You and the power to release You?” The Lord calmly answers: “Do not place any power over me unless it is given from above.” And so it happened: he wanted to let Jesus go, but he signed the crucifix, did not show his power, he could not.

So everything is controlled by God's providence. But people often forget about this, especially in relationships with their confessor, becoming fixated on his personality. The personality itself is quite helpless. A person cannot even sin without God - for example, if He had not given us legs, we would not have gone to sin, we simply would not have gotten there. Therefore, a person simply cannot have originality as such. God alone is original. And according to His will, everything happens - He is the One “Who mows down the straw so that the grain may be preserved.”

After all, we did not organize any demonstrations at the time, and the Church suddenly found itself free. All that's left of communism is a sign. And what is communism? An attempt to build the Kingdom of God on earth, a paradise without God.

There was such a father Misail, cell attendant of Metropolitan Nestor of Kamchatka, he was in prison in Soviet time, and they told him: “Here we are building a paradise on earth.” He replies: “It’s a useless exercise.” - “Are you against the authorities?” - “No, all power comes from God. But building heaven on earth is a futile exercise.” - "How why?" - “It’s very simple. The first Christians already built such a society, everything was common, but nothing worked out.”

Indeed, the first Christians are the society from which the idea of ​​communism was copied. But even with that spirit, they could not maintain complete dispassion. So all this has already happened. As Father John Krestyankin once said: they have nothing new, everything is stolen, only remade in their own way.

— What should a person do in a situation when, during confession, a priest advises him on something that is impossible for him to do? For example, there are well-known examples when a priest does not bless a marriage and says: “It is not God’s will for you to be together,” what should you do? Argue?

- Obedience is obedience. Love does not pass, falling in love does. Parents also forbid something, what should you do - obey or not obey? In general, you should still obey. Another thing is that sometimes the soul does not accept this decision. Then you need to pray and wait. I know an example where a young man and a girl fell in love with each other, but their parents were against it. And I told them: “You love each other, it’s impossible to forbid love? Please keep loving." They did just that. And then the mother couldn’t stand it - she allowed it. And they got married.

If love is true, if there is no desire for possession, if you feel that this is your soul mate, your loved one - this may be enough. My mother had a friend whose fiancé courted her for forty years. He loved her and she loved him, but she couldn't leave her mother and start a family with him. They met, took care of each other, and became so close that when they became spouses at the age of 60, they no longer needed anything other than spiritual and emotional closeness.

Actually, there is an example from Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin - Tatyana Larina says: “I love you (why lie?), but I was given to someone else, and I will be faithful to him forever.” You can love, but you don’t have to live together sooner, at least there’s no need to rush.

In our country now they say: we need to live together as soon as possible, check our feelings. Unfortunately, this is not how true love is tested. According to Justin Popovich, love for a person without the love of God is self-love, and love for God without love for a person is self-deception.

The most important thing is the will of God. If there really is a feeling, it will remain, it will live, and if due to difficulties it disappeared, then it may not have existed, or it was a passion, another feeling, not love. And love, as the Apostle Paul says, never disappears and cannot pass away, love remains love.

— How can you distribute the strictness of fulfilling what your confessor says? A simple example: the confessor tells all his children to strictly observe fasting, but do you have gastritis? What to do here, obey or act according to your feelings?

- Fasting is for man, not man for fasting; it is better to under-fast than to over-fast. And one more thing: fasting is not “impossible”, but “not allowed.” If it were not possible, then Saint Spyridon of Trimifuntsky would not have eaten meat during Great Lent - there is an example from his life when there was nothing to feed a guest from the road, and he ordered meat to be brought, and he himself ate with him, so as not to embarrass him.

But fasting cleanses, fasting is a great power. The Lord Himself fasted. If He, the One Who, unlike us, did not need to fast, fasted, how can we sinners not fast? But there are different levels of fasting severity. There are many healthy foods that are also lean: Brussels sprouts broth is healthier than chicken broth.

In fact, when a person has some kind of grief or has a real feeling, he doesn’t even think about food. A certain young man was courting one girl and saying that he loved her. And she was very wise and told him that since you are ready for anything, let’s fast and pray for two or three weeks. And then, when the deadline was up, she set a luxurious table, brought young man and says: “Well, at the table or down the aisle?” He rushed to the table. That's it, I made my choice.

— That is, there is no such criterion in relations with a confessor: obedience or your own decision?

— There is only one criterion - love. If there is anger, irritation, what is the use of it? What is this for? Only love can be above the law.

— And if there is no confessor or he is far away, how to live, what to guide your actions?

— If there is no confessor, or it is difficult to contact him, then you need to pray. You just need to remember that the Lord is near, and you should always turn to Him.

Once, when I was young, I had a difficult situation at work, I was confused, not knowing what to do, and I began to read akathists to St. Nicholas and St. Seraphim in turn, and suddenly everything worked out. This was the first example in my life when I experienced for myself that if you don’t know what to do in the current circumstances, you need to immediately intensify your prayer, ask for God’s help.

These are exactly the same questions: “what to do?” and “who is to blame?” It's his own fault, first of all. You have to start with yourself, because you can’t escape from yourself. But what to do? We need to pray for the Lord to indicate: “Tell me, Lord, the way, I’ll go the wrong way.”

Archimandrite Innokenty Prosvirnin once told me this formula for approaching life: when Heaven is silent, there is no need to do anything.

I later read that a similar rule was used by the holy martyr Seraphim Zvezdinsky. When he was asked in troubled times what to do if you don’t know what to do and have no one to consult with, he recommended praying for three days and asking for God’s will, and the Lord will show you what to do. If he doesn’t indicate, then you still have to pray and be patient. This is what they do on Athos.

I myself often advise doing this, and this rule bears good fruit.

If you load a person with heroic deeds right away, he won’t be able to handle it.

—Is spiritual guidance different between new Christians and, so to speak, mature Christians?

- Certainly. The difference is in the degree of severity. When I was just starting my ministry, there was such a confessor, Archimandrite Tikhon Agrikov, so he told me that you first need to attract a person, and when he gets used to it, you can be stricter. Because if you immediately load a person with various feats, he will not be able to stand it. At one time I was involved in sports, and here, as in spiritual life, first there are small loads, then more, otherwise the person will overstrain himself. And we must remember that to bear obedience is a cross. This is very difficult in monasteries, and even more so in the world.

Archpriest Sergius Orlov taught me as a young priest, and usually did not say categorically: this is how it is and no other way. If I asked something, he said: “Yes, anything can happen.” And I thought: wow, a person with such and such spiritual experience, education, and didn’t seem to say anything in particular... But it’s not that simple.

The rector of the Jerusalem metochion, Archpriest Vasily Serebrennikov, who came to Father Sergius to confess, once told me: “What I like most about spiritual matters is when you don’t understand anything.” There is no need to be shy if you do not understand something in spiritual matters. Where it is not clear, everything is simple: everything is unclear. But when everything seems clear, sometimes many difficulties can arise later. For example, the question about frequent communion, it would seem - is it good to take communion often? Very good. And my father said to me: “How can I say this? Who will react to this? And if there is such an attitude: Manka went - and I will go, what will everything turn into then?

— Can a confessor give a person the freedom to decide for himself what to do?

“A very experienced confessor, Holy Archpriest Alexy Mechev, when he was asked about something, first of all said: “What do you think?” Because real spiritual education must necessarily provide food for the mind so that a person learns to reason. It's not easy to lead a person by the hand.

Complete obedience is, of course, good, but it is only possible in a monastery, and in the world it is more difficult.

I have 59 years of driving experience. And when I got behind the wheel for the first time, I felt very uncomfortable. They told me, and I gradually got used to it, got used to it. In the same way, in spiritual life you need to acquire spiritual skills.

I am a navigator at the military department air force, and we had Colonel Plesky, I still remember him, he said: “I will make you know aircraft navigation in verse, there is no time to reason in the air, you need to act there.” It’s the same in life—spiritual skills need to be acquired so that they become second nature. Knowledge is something that has been passed through one’s experience and has become a skill.

— When a person first comes to church, they explain to him how to confess, take communion, and what rule to read. How can we continue to grow spiritually? What if a person has been in the Church for 10-20 years and nothing has changed, what is the problem?

- Not in what, but in whom. The problem is in the person himself. Father John Krestyankin said that nothing can be done for a person. You can help, but if he doesn’t do it himself, nothing will work. God does not forcibly save without the desire and participation of the person himself. There are such eternal students - they go and go, and never finish their studies. Who is to blame - the one who teaches or the one who studies?

— Who studies, that is, a person himself must begin to move from some external things to inner life?

— External things are given in order to pave the way to the inner world. The skill of at least saying “sorry” is not given just like that. Gradually, everything begins to change inside a person. There is an expression: “If they call you a pig, you will grunt. And if you’re an angel, maybe you’ll become an angel and start singing.”

— Often for those who have been in the Church for a long time, prayer turns into a formality, fasting is performed without zeal, why?

- God will give prayer to the one who prays. If you still try to delve into the words of the prayer, it cannot be completely formal. Yes, you get tired, but do it anyway. What does "formally" mean? I was reading a prayer, and at that time what was happening in your soul?

Still, it is better to pray at least somehow than to do nothing at all.

- Is it possible to learn prayer?

- You can learn - you need to pray.

- Practice?

- Yes. Also, prayer is often taught by some kind of sorrow or embarrassment. When my father was studying at the seminary, one of the old professors asked him the following question: “What does the Lord do with a person when he wants to attract him to Himself?” - my father answered something. “Okay, what’s the main thing?” the father is silent. - “Sends him spiritual distress.”

— It’s probably difficult not to become despondent here if you’re always in grief?

- Everything passes. I tell everyone, at least listen to Pushkin if you don’t want to listen to the Holy Scriptures. Do you know what he said?

If life deceives you,
Don't be sad, don't be angry!
On the day of despondency, humble yourself:
The day of fun, believe me, will come.

(Here I would like to add: “And while you humble yourself, pray!”).

The heart lives in the future;
Really sad:
Everything is instant, everything will pass;
Whatever happens will be nice.

After all, it was from God, according to Elder Seraphim Vyritsky.

And we must not forget to thank God even in the most difficult days of life - he is waiting for us and will send even greater blessings. A person with a grateful heart never lacks for anything.

Archpriest Valerian Krechetov born in 1937 in the family of repressed accountant and later priest Mikhail Krechetov. He graduated from school in 1959 and at the same time was enrolled in the Moscow Forestry Engineering Institute, three years after graduation he entered the Moscow Seminary.

He was ordained on January 12, 1969, and in 1973 he graduated from the Moscow Theological Academy. Over the many years of his ministry, he communicated with many outstanding pastors, including Father Nikolai Golubtsov, Father Ioann Krestyankin, Father Nikolai Guryanov. Today Archpriest Valerian is the rector of the church in honor of the Intercession Holy Mother of God in the village of Akulovo, Odintsovo district.

No one is planning to be special

and about himself mother-in-law, no one moved

remove your feet from the hard stone

faith to your spiritual father.

St. Theodore the Studite

Who is a spiritual father?

If a person already seriously enough understands what spiritual life is and what he has spiritual father, this, of course, assumes that he regularly confesses to the same priest, his confessor. There are circumstances when the spiritual father is far away or when the person himself leaves for some time, then he can, of course, confess in other places. It is impossible to define everything with specific rules.

Sometimes there are exceptional moments in a relationship with a spiritual father, for example, when a confessor and his child enter into a relationship that is not only spiritual, but also personal, which is associated, say, with knowledge of family and personal relationships. Maybe this is not entirely correct, but life is such that spiritual relationships and personal relationships are sometimes intertwined. In such cases it can be difficult, and sometimes there is no need to confess to a confessor so as not to drag someone into a conflict.

Therefore, you can confess on the side, but you need to know the priest to whom you are confessing very well in order to be able to consult with him and ask whether you need to bring this to your spiritual father for confession.

But there is also a deliberate temptation to confess some sins on the side. A person does not want to talk about some of his tricks, because they can spoil his image in the eyes of his confessor. Therefore, there is a desire to confess your sin somewhere else, and then come so clean - the Sacrament has been completed, your sins have been forgiven. From the point of view of formal confession, such a sin is probably forgiven, but this is a very big spiritual mistake and complete harm to the soul, because this is open deceit and deception of one’s spiritual father. The person then comes to him completely different, unreal, and the priest cannot help but feel this. A crack forms between them that can lead all further relationships to complete collapse and completely destroy them.

Having done this once out of cowardice, a person will then continue to do so in the future and all the time appear completely different from who he really is. He himself will suffer from this, because having deceived his spiritual father, it is impossible to come to him as if nothing had happened, you will definitely feel inner confusion.

In the end, the person will be forced to either confess everything and repent to his confessor, or leave him, because the confessor will no longer be able to help him with anything. Another deceit is associated with the difference in such concepts as confessor and spiritual father. The modern idea of ​​what a spiritual father is did not take shape right away.

In general, a confessor should not differ in any way from a spiritual father. But the word “confessor,” like many words of spiritual content, is given several meanings. For example, a confessor, meaning a certain obedience of a priest, can be appointed: for example, a confessor of a monastery, a confessor of a gymnasium, a diocese, there was an institute of confessorship in the army. And everyone who, by the will of fate, found himself in a certain state of some kind of service was obliged to confess to one priest.

Now these two concepts are different, although by nature they are one. And for many people there is such cunning: “Since he is my confessor, and not my spiritual father,” they say inside themselves, “that means I myself will decide whether to listen to him or not; that is, the confessor is the one to whom I confess my sins and, regardless of what he tells me, I decide for myself what to do - I have my own mind and free will; and if I’m a spiritual father, then I must listen.”

There is deceit here, built on a play on words. A person, on the one hand, takes into account such a concept as a confessor. (“Who do you go to?” – “I go to so-and-so.” – “Wow, what a confessor you have!”) But on the other hand, he is, in principle, not ready for spiritual life, for such relationships, not looking for them for himself. And, as soon as he receives some serious spiritual advice, or instruction, or conviction of sins, he begins to dissemble and easily says: “This is just my confessor, I only go to him to confess.”

Either a person is ready to obey, or he lives according to his own will - one must be fully aware of this. Doubts may arise about the correctness of the words that the priest said, you can figure it out, pray, maybe be tormented by these words, but, in the end, you still need to follow the path of hearing the will of God. If you think that you can do as you want, do not consult, but act as you decide, through prayer and fully accepting responsibility for your actions. And if you came for spiritual advice, received it, but you didn’t like it, you don’t follow it, then you are taking the path of direct disobedience - this must be understood.

Even if the priest is appointed confessor in official terms (say, a person finds himself at some service where there is an appointed confessor - confessor educational institution, for example, he examines spiritual issues and blesses to act in a certain way), whether you like it or not, you must obey him. He takes responsibility for this decision. Otherwise, you need to leave this institution.

Likewise, if you come to a community and consider the priest to be your confessor, then there is not much difference between the confessor and the spiritual father, only, perhaps, in the degree of closer kinship, closer spiritual relationships, more attentive hearing of the word, a more reverent attitude. But as far as spiritual advice and obedience are concerned, if the priest says things that are consistent with Holy Scripture and Holy Tradition, there is no reason not to listen to him. A person does not obey a person, but listens to the Church, which speaks to him through the mouth of a priest.

In fact, no one is obliged to listen to anyone. This is always a free action of a person. But if a parishioner has positioned himself in such a way in relation to the priest that he feels the opportunity to say some serious spiritual words to him, then here either the person himself is simply playing at spiritual life, or he is following the path of disobedience, along the path of spiritual suicide.

It is impossible to just play with such things. This is all very serious. Spiritual life is not a social event. And it’s not what they think about: I want, I do this, I want, I do that; I want - I do this, I want - I do that. Spiritual life is the path to salvation.

If you want to go to salvation, go. If you don’t want to go to salvation, no one will force you. But it’s strange to figure out whether it’s a confessor or a spiritual father, whether you have the right or not... If you are seriously ready to follow the path to salvation, then there can be no question of whether or not to act according to your will. There is only a question of how to correctly hear the will of God.

Archpriest Alexy Uminsky. “The Mystery of Reconciliation” M., 2007.

Elder Porfiry (1906-1991) enjoys great love among the Orthodox in Greece. After his blessed death, books about him and collections of his advice and teachings were published. Some of these tips are devoted to mistakes and dangers in relationships with a spiritual father - a topic that is also relevant for Russia. Here is a small selection of such tips.

One brother told me: “I once worked in a village. Then my wife had a very strict spiritual father. One day she confessed to him her weakness and that she repeated it. He scolded her and intimidated her. After that, it was not long before she decided to go to confession again.”

“You see,” said the elder, “what excessive severity can lead to? This is why I urge you to be careful with the spiritual fathers to whom you go to confession - both you and your wife and your children; try most of all to be honest in everything you say, because then God will forgive you everything and you will improve spiritually.”

“Look, my child! Our God, wanting to teach His children who hope in Him, believe and love Him, worship Him, resorts to in various ways. Among our Lord's means is the introduction of rules, the observance of which leads to the salvation of our souls. We cannot change or disrupt God's plans. Moreover, we cannot force anything on Him. But we can, however, ask Him, pray to Him, and He, out of love for people (after all, He is love), can heed our prayers and shorten the time of testing - or even do without it. In any case, everything depends on Him. We ask for something, and He is the One who will support us.

Moreover, these rules are not of the nature of revenge or punishment, but of education, and they have nothing in common with the rules introduced by some spiritual fathers, who, either from excessive zeal or out of ignorance, blur the limits of punishment, not realizing that in this way they are committing a crime instead of doing good. I always scold them and advise them this way: no - severe punishments, yes - kind words. Because severe punishment will only help the devil increase his clientele, that is, it will precisely help in what is the goal of his expectations, in what he always strives for.

That is why choosing a spiritual father requires extreme caution. Just as you would search for the best doctor, you should also search for a confessor. Both there and there - a doctor, but in one case - for the body, and in the other - for the soul!

Speaking about things beyond ordinary sins and situations, such as, for example, performing heartfelt prayer or overcoming particularly difficult spiritual temptations, the elder advised: “Be careful what you say to your confessors whom you have chosen for confession. Because they may not know everything. They must be very wise, insightful and experienced. They must carry the Spirit of God within them to be able to solve your various problems.”

“If you live far from the city,” the elder told one brother, “and cannot come here regularly, you need to find a good confessor to confess your sins to him. But if you are worried about something about your heart's prayer or your thoughts, do not tell him this, because someone who does not know enough may lead you astray. If you have such questions, come here and you can discuss them with me.”

One self-confident, strict spiritual father refused to approve the desire of his spiritual child to visit Father Porfiry and talk with him about a serious personal problem. This incident made a grave impression on me, and I informed the elder about it. The elder sadly shook his head and said: “What can I say? You see, he is also a spiritual father.” The elder was always very careful and gentle in his judgments about others - especially when it came to priests who made mistakes. Instead of characterization, he preferred to express himself metaphorically:

“You know, when a papal missionary receives instructions for his mission, he travels from Rome by plane, and upon arrival at the airport one of African countries opens a sealed envelope and reads what his mission should include - what he is obliged to do, even if he does not agree with it. Here, among the Orthodox, everything happens differently.”

I understood - more or less - what the elder was trying to tell me. This was not the first time I became convinced that in the Orthodox community there are confessors with “papal” habits who demand that their instructions be obeyed, completely ignoring the internal disagreement of their spiritual children. They tend to develop totalitarian thinking because they themselves are afraid of freedom, which is limited by discipline, despite the fact that Orthodox obedience is the fruit of freedom.

The elder’s answer surprised me: “He shows obedience because the advice of his confessor satisfies his ego.” This was the first time I heard the elder speak so openly about spiritual error. The elder himself did not strive to have followers; he simply helped those who sought help in his cell. Perhaps he told me all this so openly because he wanted to show another example of the devil’s deception of Christians. And this made me understand that the motive for obedience for a person is sometimes to satisfy his own ego.

7. Spiritual children

From the above it follows that the confessor convent Under no circumstances should one have spiritual children inside him. What then should be done if the priest has spiritual daughters in the world who would like to enter the monastery?

Never, under any circumstances, no matter how necessary, useful and correct it may seem, even despite the requests of the mother abbess, should such children be allowed to enter a monastery where their spiritual father is their confessor.

If the confessor makes at least one exception, the person entering the monastery will definitely sooner or later become a stumbling block and temptation, creating a difficult and difficult to resolve conflict between the abbess and the confessor. It can only be resolved in one way: the child will stop all communication with his spiritual father and completely surrender to the spiritual guidance of the abbess. If there are several such children, the confessor will necessarily be removed from the monastery after a terrible scandal, usually with a damaged reputation.

Beloved brothers! We kindly ask you not to repeat the mistakes made by others!

Maybe, in this case, girls who want to live a monastic life should be given the blessing to enter another monastery? This will not solve problems, but rather add new ones. The abbess, who, as a rule, is jealous and suspicious of the sisters’ communication with the confessor of her monastery, is even more jealous of communication with a confessor who is outside the monastery, declaring to the nuns his advice as interference in the affairs of her monastery.

A similar point of view is sometimes expressed by diocesan authorities, who consider it unacceptable or permissible in exceptional cases for the nuns of a monastery to communicate with a confessor residing in another monastery or diocese. In reality, this is not prohibited by any sacred canons of the Church. In the lives of saints and devotees of piety, there are often cases of the creation and nurturing of women's communities by pastors of other dioceses (St. Barnabas of Gethsemane, Optina elders, etc.). As a rule, this situation arises if, before entering the monastery, the nun had a confessor in the world, and with his blessing she entered the monastery. Having confidence in him and benefiting from his advice, she would like to maintain a spiritual relationship.

The question arises: is it generally correct for a confessor to give a blessing to any of his spiritual children to enter such monasteries, although they will undoubtedly go there for obedience? If, by the Providence of God, spiritual relationships arise and a child shows trust in his shepherd, is it right to send him to such a monastery where he will be deprived of communication with the spiritual father whom he trusts, from whom he expects help, support, advice and prayers? Wouldn't such an act be a real betrayal of the shepherd in relation to the spiritual child who entrusted him with the most precious thing - his soul?

After all, real spiritual relationships depend not only on the experience and efforts of the confessor, but also on the labor of obedience that the flock bears. Such relationships are extremely rare in our times, therefore they are especially valuable and should be protected in every possible way. Only those people who do not understand and try to destroy them are those who themselves have never had a spiritual father, or who communicated with him purely formally, and therefore do not even realize what an established serious spiritual relationship is. They do not know the high sacrament of obedience.

If a young man is not deprived of the opportunity to enter the monastery where his confessor is a monk, then a girl does not have such an opportunity at all.. In any case, the nun of a convent will have a man as a confessor. We know many monasteries where sisters are generally prohibited from approaching the priests for this reason. Doesn't this simply look like sectarianism?

Supporters of the idea that “a spiritual father can only be assigned to a monastery,” and that upon entry into a monastery all “connections with the world” must be terminated, they usually propose an administrative confessor for the monastery, usually a white priest who does not know monastic life. But as it turns out, his responsibility is only to perform the Sacrament of Confession, while the abbess herself usually deals with spiritual care. But, according to the teachings of the Holy Fathers, the choice of a spiritual leader must be voluntary, and an indispensable condition for spiritual relationships is trust. “Trust is a condition of obedience, which, without power of attorney, turns into hypocrisy, people-pleasing and flattering before your eyes, disobedient and self-inflicted behind your eyes.”... No matter how much you want, trust cannot arise by order. The abbess, although at times indeed a brilliant, wise administrator, does not always have the talent of a spiritual leader, and given her current employment, especially in a newly opened monastery, as a rule, she has neither the time nor the opportunity to fully educate young nuns. Therefore, wouldn’t it be most reasonable if the spiritual father took charge of educating the novices and teaching them the great science of monasticism, especially since he has a holy rank that gives him the right to teach in the Church?

From the book Joyful News Commentary on the Epistle of St. Paul to Galatians by Waggoner Ellet

“You who are spiritual” Christ calls only such people to correct the lost. No one else is capable of doing this. The Holy Spirit must speak through the mouths of those who habitually condemn and reproach. This is the work of Christ, and one can only be a witness to Him through the power of the Spirit. But wouldn’t it be in that case?

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Spiritual errors 230. “The worst kind of sin is not to admit that you are a sinner” (St. Caesar of Arles, Commentary on 1 John 1, 8).231-232. “Avoid self-love - the mother of evil - which is unreasonable love for the body. Because from it... three main sinful passions are born: gluttony,

There are three things that are formed by an incorrect attitude towards spiritual life and confession: a state of irresponsibility, self-justification, expressed in the desire to appear as an innocent sufferer when a person begins to complain instead of confession, and humility instead of humility.

It is irresponsibility, the desire to not be responsible for one’s life in any way that often leads to the search for senility. Many people, looking for the supernatural, wait for the elder to tell them something, to open them, to gain their sight, and to show them the will of God. And in the absence of an elder, out of many priests, parishioners are forcibly trying to create some kind of ugly semblance of supposedly eldership, to build a supposed spiritual relationship between an elder and a spiritual child. Instead of living a spiritual life, a person comes to a priest in order to completely place all responsibility for his spiritual life on him. And therefore, these endless father, bless on this, on that, on the fifth and tenth are not a desire to live according to the will of God, but a desire to never answer for anything at all.

Father Gleb Kaleda complained that there is so much need for Christian service now, but I don’t want to take Orthodox Christians into service. It is better to take an unbeliever, an unchurched person, into a hospital to care for the sick, because it is often impossible to achieve anything from a believer. For example, it is necessary for an Orthodox parishioner to come to sit with the sick person, but she doesn’t come: my father served today, I could not help but go.

And this is largely determined by who a person comes to - to God or to a priest. The relationship between the priest and, roughly speaking, the child, or flock, is purely human: my father said, today my father is serving, I will go to my father.

When they try to use a priest to relieve themselves of responsibility for their spiritual life, confession turns into whining, into a constant complaint about how hard life is. Instead of repentance and self-reproach - blaming others. The person “confessed” in this way, he was listened to, and he feels better and more confident. No one else will listen to this, it’s hard, but the priest is kind of obliged - he has grace that obliges a person to bear the illnesses of all people. This is how it is, but a person begins to use this to satisfy his inner egoism, replacing confession with complaints.

Another disease when a person does not want to do anything spiritually, but justifies his spiritual laziness with the words I am unworthy or I am unworthy. Either I am weak, or I am weak, although in reality this is a proud person who does not need anyone at all. And it turns out that the one who is entrusted to live like a Christian renounces his ministry, all good deeds, and bearing his cross. Instead of what the Holy Fathers call humility, humility is manifested: Forgive, bless. Forgive me, a sinner. Almost immediately at your feet - bang - oh, sorry! Instead of doing something, changing just words - we are sinners, we are unworthy, and the corresponding posture, the corresponding intonation, the corresponding form of clothing, everything is according to the model.

Every confession turns into a constant desire to evade life. For some reason, a person begins to be satisfied with some kind of amorphous lifeless existence, when he does not dare to take a single action, does not want to change anything, and is afraid to truly live spiritually. This is a very convenient position when one is responsible for everything and one gets a false idea of ​​obedience, a false idea of ​​humility, a false idea of ​​repentance.

Such a distorted understanding of spiritual life often determines the attitude towards the confessor, and sometimes this can form in the confessor himself an incorrect attitude towards the entire parish - he begins to take advantage of this kind of people. They turn out to be very well managed; if necessary, they will create a scandal, will go to great lengths for their father, etc. They long to become not flocks, but a controlled herd, which should have not a shepherd, but a driver who will crack them with a whip and rule over them . It is enough for them to come to some kind of authority, which could be, for example, a priest. But they don’t want to go to Christ.

It's another matter when people seek real spiritual life. Of course, in this case, the same problems may arise, because to some extent, everything that I just said is characteristic of every person. But at the same time, there is also the idea that there is a spiritual life, and, thank God, there is another way.

And here a moment arises when some kind of spiritual relationship is established between the priest and his flock, what we now commonly call clergy, when the priest is called a spiritual father, and the one who comes to him for confession is called a spiritual child. What it is, I cannot say. Who is a spiritual father? What is a spiritual child? It is very difficult to say how this happens. But you can try to describe some things.

Not everyone who comes to a priest, even regularly, is his spiritual child. Not every person who regularly confesses to a priest is his spiritual father. This is understandable. For this to happen, some special, mysterious relationship must develop; these relationships, when they develop correctly, really make it possible for the priest to become an elder in a sense, that is, to very accurately express the will of God and, to this very extent, take responsibility before man for his words.

At this moment, of course, the priest is given something more than was given to him as a person who accepts confession: he is no longer only a witness of repentance, but can say something about a person that simply cannot be revealed to him as a person.

Man is the greatest mystery. According to the teachings of the Church, it is infinite and unknowable. Moreover, St. Maximus the Confessor says that when a person truly unites with God and his deification occurs, he becomes not only infinite, but also beginningless. And therefore, it is very difficult to say anything about anyone. To direct someone to a certain place, to tell him what he needs and what he doesn’t need, to give a blessing for some special step in life is very difficult, it is almost impossible. And a priest can say this from God only when he himself is truly in God and when his relationship with his parishioner is also truly born in God. It is necessary for a miracle of such a birth to occur.

How this happens, when it happens, at what moment it is recorded, I don’t know. It's impossible to grasp. But there are some conditions that are necessary for this to ever happen.

A lot depends on the priest. First of all, he is required to have equal love for everyone, and very sober love. To what extent it is present depends on the spiritual state of the priest, but he must always be ready to take upon himself entirely and completely everyone who comes to him. In addition, something very important also depends on him - the gift of prayer, when the priest is ready to pray for his flock in such a way that this prayer really is the person’s acceptance of himself to the end. While this is not the case, serious spiritual intimacy is hardly possible.

Naturally, the priest is also limited in humanity; he is not able to love everyone equally or take on very a large number of of people. Maybe he can only take one or two, and sometimes he can’t even carry two. This is all very complicated and depends on how a person grows spiritually. Of course, when a priest is twenty-five years old and has just been ordained, he cannot yet be anyone’s spiritual father; in principle, he does not have the right to direct someone’s spiritual life or take responsibility for another person. Therefore, a priest requires very great humility and honesty in order to answer someone coming to confession: I don’t know, I don’t know how, I can’t, I’m not ready. When asked, how, father, should I be, what should I do, he can quite calmly throw up his hands and say, “I don’t know.” It is the priest’s right not to know, and it is impossible to demand from him an all-covering, grace-filled knowledge of the will of God or man himself.

And this is already the duty of the person coming - not to expect anything from the priest as from a person, not to present to him for resolution those issues that he must resolve himself. The priest may not know this and should not, perhaps, he may be very mistaken here. Of course, you can consult, but we must always understand that we are mostly consulting with a priest in a human way. If the Lord somehow intervenes in our conversation in some way unknown to us, this is His intervention and it does not depend in any way on the priest. Therefore, when we communicate with you about everyday matters, believe me, all this is human advice, and they do not mean more than the advice of a very experienced person in this particular matter. And there is no need to create illusions for yourself about this and attach some special spiritual meaning to it. The only thing is that when we ask for advice in searching for the will of God, the Lord somehow controls us. But we ourselves can do this if we really want and truly seek the will of God.

The next one is very important point: if a person wants spiritual guidance, he must first of all live a spiritual life. If he does not live a spiritual life, then what kind of spiritual guidance can we even talk about? If a person does not seek constancy in spiritual life, does not constantly strive for salvation, he will never find any guidance. It is given only when a person is already on the road, when he has already overcome a fairly serious path and does not know the way back, does not turn onto it. That’s when spiritual guidance begins, then this person comes with a real confession and the priest understands that he came to him not as a merchant, not as a beggar, not as someone who wants to lay his cross on him and rest at the same time, but as a person who wants spiritual life. And then the priest can begin some kind of spiritual co-revelation with him. A person begins to trust the priest with his spiritual life, that is, he becomes very frank with him. This does not mean that he needs to specifically confess his thoughts, this happens completely naturally, he simply reveals his entire life to the priest without hiding in the light of repentance. And from this moment such a spiritual action can begin, which, in fact, makes a person a child, and a priest a father, and which is called obedience.

What is obedience? The doctor inserts a phonendoscope into the ears and listens to his patient. This is what happens to a priest, this kind of obedience. He listens very deeply prayerfully, constantly striving to know a person with God’s help, to know a person in God. Such obedience occurs on the part of the priest.

When he is capable of this, the person must be able to open up. When a patient comes to a doctor, he bares himself, exposes his sore spots. And then the doctor listens to him. The same thing, in a sense, happens when a person truly comes for spiritual healing. He knows how to open himself, to be very open, frank for the priest, so that he can listen to him carefully and deeply, deeply.

And in response to this, obedience occurs on the part of the flock. He listens carefully to all the words that the priest then tells him in order to fulfill it.

In ancient times, unlike ours modern world, Very important had an understanding of hearing, and people in spiritual life perceived everything by ear. The students followed the philosopher and listened to him speak. People went to the synagogue and listened to the Torah being read and the sacred text explained. The Scriptures were read only in synagogues, they were kept there, and they were not kept in homes. Imagine how well the scribes and Pharisees, who literally knew the texts of the Holy Scriptures by heart, could hear. And then people listened to the Apostles, who preached Christ, listened to the Gospel in the temple. The Gospel was also not kept in homes, only on rare occasions. There was hearing of the Gospel, and people were attentive to what was being said.

Now the whole world has switched to entertainment and perceives everything only through it. And this is the lowest state of God, when a person needs spectacles. Already in the first centuries, Saint John Chrysostom and other Fathers spoke out against theaters and all kinds of spectacles, calling them a pagan creation. And not only because these are pagan or immoral spectacles, but because this is a completely different way of perceiving the world. We now perceive everything with our eyes, but we need to watch how you listen.

Bishop Afanasy (Jevtic) in his lecture on hesychasm says very important things about hearing: “In the Old Testament, the sense of hearing is given more importance. The sense of vision was always emphasized by the ancient Greeks: everything around is beautiful, beauty is everywhere, space. All Greek philosophy comes down to aesthetics.<...>Father Georgy Florovsky writes that this happened in the last century in Russian philosophy, even in Solovyov. Such is the temptation of aesthetics, for everything around to be beautiful.

Of course, this does not deny the importance of vision in Holy Scripture. But, for example, here I am giving a lecture and looking at you. Who is more attentive - the one who looks at me? However, you can watch and still be absent. But if a person listens by ear, he cannot be absent. He is more concentrated when he listens by ear. And so Saint Basil said: “Pay attention to yourself.”

When a person knows how to listen by ear, this gives birth to obedience. A person is very attentive, firstly, to himself and listens to his confessor. At this moment of obedience, the relationship between a spiritual father and a spiritual child is born.

Outwardly, obedience is perceived as strict execution of certain instructions. But in fact, obedience goes much deeper. Attentive hearing, deep penetration into you of a word that can make you different or warn you against some action, or give you an impulse for your spiritual path, should be perceived in such a heartfelt soil where there is no alternative. A person perceives this very deeply for himself, because they listened to him and he became open. He made himself available to be understood, to be open, to show who he is, and this makes it possible to hear the truthful word about himself. Then the priest no longer speaks simply as a priest; at this moment an element of eldership appears, an eldership that was spiritual.

It depends on subtle things. Nobody can claim this. Nobody can cultivate this in themselves. No one can say this about themselves. It is given by God precisely at such a moment of obedience. And this gives birth to gifts that are then given to the priest in his spiritual care, which make the person being flocked and the person shepherding so close and dear that the shepherd truly perceives his spiritual children as something living and inseparable from himself.

How this happens, at what point, how these relationships develop, is almost impossible to say. It's a mysterious thing. They cannot be defined formally - I appoint you as my spiritual child, or I have chosen my spiritual father. That's not how it's done. Relationships are formed through many years of obedience, such constant opening of oneself to obedience.

The priest’s knowledge of who stands in front of him, the trust of the one who comes to the priest, gives rise to spirituality itself, affinity of souls and trust. Because when there is no trust, when a person cannot trust himself, then there is nothing to talk about at all. A spiritual conversation turns into a spiritual, intimate, psychological, everyday and everyday conversation. A person thinks that he has received a blessing, and now his life happens according to the will of God. Totally untrue; God's will has absolutely nothing to do with it.

Of course, not all people of equal spiritual level who confess to a priest become equally open to him, trusting or able to hear him. And the priest is not equally able to convey something to all people; there are certain obstacles. I don't know what they are connected to. It's a secret. But I know one thing - if a person wants spiritual life, is looking for spiritual life, then he can seek it and receive it only through obedience. There is no other way for it to be given.

Priest Alexy Uminsky