How to understand that a marriage is over test. How to know if your marriage is successful

No one can determine with 100% certainty whether a marriage will end in divorce. However, experts are quite clear in predicting which couples are most likely to encounter problems. Spouses whose union is heading towards disintegration are united by certain characteristics: in such couples there are problems with communication during disputes, they describe their relationship in a certain way, in addition, level of education and employment also play a role.
So, let's explore a few of the most prominent factors that can lead to divorce. If you notice them in your relationship, don't despair, just try to work on strengthening your union.

Marriage before twenty or after thirty-two

Of course, the best time to start a family is when you are most ready for it and have found someone with whom you think you could spend your whole life. You shouldn’t put off marriage or, conversely, rush into it too much, trying to adjust your conditions to the statistics.
However, research demonstrates that couples who were created by spouses in adolescence, as well as those people who got married after thirty are more at risk of divorce than those who got married after their twenties. The risk is especially high for very young couples. After thirty-two, the likelihood of divorce increases by five percent every year.
In short, the third decade is the optimal period for marriage in most cases. In addition, studies have shown that the likelihood of divorce increases in proportion to the age difference between spouses. A difference of one year increases the likelihood of divorce by three percent, a difference of five - by eighteen. If spouses are ten years apart, divorce becomes thirty-nine percent more likely. If the difference is even larger, the risk for such a couple becomes especially high.

Spouse not working full time

Research has shown that a couple's happiness is influenced not so much by finances as by specific working conditions. In heterosexual unions in which the spouse does not work full time, the likelihood of divorce is higher than in those where the husband is employed.
The wife's work status does not play such a big role and has little effect on the likelihood of divorce. The stereotype that a man should be the main breadwinner has not gone away and has a strong impact on the stability of the union. This phenomenon is noticeable in many countries.

Lack of higher education

It turns out that spouses who spent more time on education are less likely to get divorced. This is exactly what research indicates. Statistics were created based on data broad group people, as a result of which it was found that higher education reduces the likelihood of divorce, but for people without education the likelihood is fifty percent.
This may be partly due to the fact that low level education also means a low level of income, which means a person’s life turns out to be more stressful.
Psychologists note that it is difficult to create productive, happy relationships in difficult life circumstances, for example, when you constantly have to do physical labor and take a long time to get to work by bus. If partners manage to cope with tension correctly, it will be easier for them to maintain their marriage despite all the hardships.

Showing contempt for your partner

Psychologists note that there are several behavioral tactics that can be called harbingers of marriage destruction. They are the ones who usually appear in families where there is too much discord. The first such sign is contempt.
If you don't think your partner deserves the same respect as you, that's a huge red flag. The second sign can be called harsh criticism, when every mistake turns into a defining feature of your partner and is perceived by you very harshly. The third sign is the tendency to always take the position of a victim during difficult life moments and demonstrate passivity.
Finally, it is worth noting such a sign as the habit of ignoring your partner. If you stop talking and don't maintain any contact, this is a serious problem. Scientists came to these conclusions based on the results of a study that lasted fourteen years. Other scientific evidence supports this information.

An overly passionate honeymoon

If you're completely averse to hugging, kissing, and holding hands on your honeymoon, this could be a problem. However, if the passion is too intense, this is also a worrying sign. Psychologists monitored data on more than a hundred couples for thirteen years from their wedding day onwards. Study participants were interviewed regularly. The result was surprising. In those families where the spouses divorced a few years after marriage, the honeymoon was usually very passionate and emotional, the partners showed a third more intense affection than in families where the partners maintained a happy union. All couples who begin their relationship in an incredibly romantic environment are more likely to divorce because such intensity of emotions is simply difficult to maintain. A marriage that begins with wild passion usually falls apart because the routine takes away the sparkle from the relationship. Those partners who start out more calmly usually create a much more stable union.

Ability to tolerate everyday stress

Don't underestimate the pressure that stress puts on a marriage. According to studies that have analyzed the factors that lead to marriage breakdown, excessive daily stress is an important cause in many cases. Sometimes even trivial little things like being late for the bus create tension between spouses. If stress constantly accumulates, it turns out to be more destructive than feelings for another person, domestic violence or some difficult moment in life.

The habit of withdrawing during conflicts

When your partner tries to talk to you about a difficult topic, are you prepared for the conversation? If you tend to close yourself off or, on the contrary, your chosen one behaves this way, this is a bad sign. Research shows that a spouse's tendency to withdraw during stressful times increases the likelihood of divorce. The researchers came to this conclusion after analyzing data from more than three hundred couples. If in a family one partner is inclined to put pressure on the other, and receives silence in return, such a marriage can hardly be called strong and happy. At the same time, these are habits that are difficult to break. You need to recognize how each partner's behavior affects the union, acknowledge the problem, and begin to take a different approach based on respect.

Negative attitude towards marriage

Researchers have found that the way people tend to describe their marriage can explain a lot about their relationship. By analyzing the choice of words, scientists realized that people who are most often negative are more likely to get divorced. There are several criteria that you can pay attention to in your speech. These included the partners' satisfaction, the frequency of mentioning the pronoun "we", the ability to express the partner's opinion in a respectful way, the number of negative words and the degree of disappointment in the marriage, as well as how chaotic the partners felt the relationship was.

Divorces are happening more and more often, while many couples do not expect such an outcome for their relationship. They completely miss the warning bells and signs that indicate their marriage is falling apart.

Here's how to know that your marriage is dying and can no longer be saved?

Your sex is boring and mechanical

Saturated sex life very important for the health and well-being of the couple. Constant dissatisfaction with sex can mean the end of a marriage.

You have constant quarrels and problems

Inability to compromise and find effective solutions general issues turns you into opponents, and this destroys your alliance.

You morally humiliate each other

Name-calling, insults, belittling and sarcastic remarks, and attacks intended to embarrass or harm a spouse are all predictors of divorce.

You're angry all the time

Accumulated anger kills love. If you and your spouse don't know how to deal with anger and it builds up in your relationship, divorce is inevitable.

One of you is cheating

Cheating is the main enemy of marriage. Most often, relationships do not survive after them.

There is selfishness in your marriage

Marriage can be called a mutually beneficial relationship. It's about putting each other's needs above all else. If both of you or one of your couple is too self-centered, then your marriage will not last long.

You both want to be right

When your man is always right and you are always wrong, it suffocates you. When you don't have a voice to be heard, marriage becomes a dictatorship. Divorce, meanwhile, gives you the freedom that you don't get from your spouse.

You don't kiss like you used to

If you've forgotten what it's like to kiss passionately, then this is one of the warning signs that your marriage is over.

You don't have heart to heart conversations anymore

One of the secrets of a happy marriage is sincere and sincere communication, exchange of thoughts and feelings, emotional synchronization. Without this connection, marriage is an empty place where everyone wants to leave.

You have too little or too much money

When you both work and one earns significantly more than the other, especially if it's the wife, it can rock the marriage. When you have little money, you face everyday problems; when you have too much money, you face temptations. And all of this is detrimental to the marriage.

Is there passion in your marriage? Do you have the same feelings for your spouse as before?

Do you communicate in the same way as when you first got married?

Ask yourself these questions before it's too late and prevent a bad outcome. Below are some signs that your marriage is falling apart.

1. Personal attacks

The constant overuse of unflattering words and personal attacks means that respect has left your marriage. When there is no respect and love, the whole meaning of marriage is lost.

2. Physical disappointments

Physical relationships do play an important role in marriage. If they are absent or do not fully satisfy one of the partners, this is one of the signals of the end of the marriage. Solve the problem together, otherwise you won’t be able to avoid problems in the near future.

3. No compromises

The success of a marriage depends on compromise and the ability to meet each other halfway. When these two things are lacking, it can lead to quarrels and mutual accusations.

4. Disputes and disagreements

When a couple continues to argue over the smallest things, it is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Along with quarrels and squabbles, love and respect in marriage ends.

5. Self-centered needs

If one partner thinks only of himself first, this can lead to problems in the marriage. Marriage is, first and foremost, “us.” If yours or your partner's needs are self-centered, your marriage is about to fail.

6. The desire to dominate

A dominant personality means that one person likes to have the upper hand over another. This kills love and mutual respect in marriage. If not immediately, then over time one of the partners will get tired of being humiliated and will leave, leaving behind the years of marriage.

7. No mutual communication

A marriage cannot survive without active communication. You can be sure that your marriage is failing if you don't communicate with your spouse the way you used to.

8. Ego

When the ego comes into play in the marriage relationship, love goes away. If neither you nor your partner are willing to compromise and are having a battle of egos, it shows that the end of your marriage is not far off.

9. Infidelity

No one can tolerate cheating and infidelity in marriage. If this happens, then your marriage is most likely over.

10. Lack of time

Lack of time by one or both partners affects marriage relationships. This is definitely a sign not to be missed.

11. Disagreement

Disagreements over issues such as finances and children can cause problems in a marriage. If this situation continues for a long time, your marriage ends.

12. Changing goals

When two people are connected by love but have different goals, their relationship will not last long. The same thing can happen in marriage.

13. Lack of emotional connection

Over a period of time, an emotional connection develops between partners. If emotional connection is no longer present in your marriage, this is a red flag. Either act or don't torture each other.

14. Every situation ends in a scandal

Disagreements and quarrels are an integral part of marriage. But if every situation ends in scandal and fight, then there is no love and no point in saving the marriage.

15. Lie

Lying by one spouse means a violation of trust and the bond of marriage. Because where there is a lack of trust, there is no possibility for love, so your marriage suffers.

16. Loneliness

Are you suffering from loneliness and depression due to your marriage? Consider that this could be a sign of a failed relationship. It might be worth letting each other go.

17. No love

If you don't love your partner, there is no point in staying married. You, of course, guess that everything has come to an end.

Online marriage test: How strong is your marriage? (for wife)

There are a huge number of secrets to a strong, happy marriage, but which one is the only true one is unknown. It is often said that family happiness depends to a large extent on the woman: on how she behaves with her husband, looks after herself and the house. However, there are cases when families of ideal (in every sense) women broke up for a variety of reasons.
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The divorce rate has remained stable for several decades. Conservative estimates suggest that a third of all marriages end in divorce. But how do you know if a marriage is doomed? Is it possible to predict such problems in advance and understand whether the marriage will be sustainable? Psychologist Gwendolyn Seidman explains what determines the stability of a couple.

Hidden Difficulties

The problem may be identified at the very beginning, but at first it is not given such importance. For example, first bad habits the partner is not so irritated, but gradually this is what undermines the relationship. The worst thing is when a partner tries to change the other. Thus, some unions are initially more “charged” with a negative scenario than others.

Irreconcilable differences

Another option is when contradictions accumulate during life together. For example, regarding raising children. One of the couple believes that the child should be taken to all sections, and someone is convinced that he should choose a hobby to his liking. Endless bickering exhausts both of them and makes them think about divorce. This scenario implies that you cannot initially predict which couples will break up and which will stay together.

Frustrated expectations

Another scenario is when one of the couple sees the difference between romantic illusions and reality. If partners are in the blind belief that their marriage will be a continuous celebration of life, everyday difficulties and disagreements can push them away from each other. In addition, the severity of feelings dulls over time, and disappointment prevents intimacy and trust from appearing.

Research by psychologists

Psychologist Tara Haston and her colleagues observed one and a half hundred couples for 13 years since 1981. In this way, they wanted to determine what traits are shared by couples with negative outcomes. They were less gentle, attentive and generous to each other from the very beginning. From the very beginning, they experienced conflicting feelings about their choice, hesitating and doubting a lot. These observations support the idea of ​​some predetermination in the fate of troubled marriages. Another 2015 study found that many unhappy couples had simmering conflicts and disagreements from the start, but those who chose divorce accumulated new arguments throughout their marriage.

So how do you know if a marriage is doomed?

First, couples who doubt their feelings from the start and have unresolved conflicts end up being less satisfied with their lives together. But if they want to maintain the relationship and work on it, then the union can be sustainable. Unstable couples most often divorce in the first few years of marriage.

Second, marriages that start out relatively well may dissolve if the spouses' satisfaction declines. For example, after children grow up, they suddenly realize that they don’t even have common topics of conversation, except for everyday affairs and routine holiday greetings. In this case, the divorce occurs late (10 years after marriage).

How to fix?

A happy marriage requires effort on the part of both partners. Keep track of what problems arise in the relationship. Deal with them before they get out of control. Understand that there will always be problems. Look for ways to surprise each other and refresh your feelings. Have realistic expectations at the beginning of your marriage. Talk through situations in advance that could cause friction, and draw up an action plan. Take a hands-on approach to problem solving.