How to understand love for life. Is there love for life? About this on a personal example

We dream of passionate love for life, we meet each other, and then our feelings dissolve in a stream of mutual insults and unfulfilled desires. But perfect love does exist. You just need to know the rules of the game.

Victoria was in her thirties, married, had a successful career. Confident in her yoga and meditation classes, today she was nervous: “I am completely confused in my relationship with my husband,” she began the story. - No, don’t think, everything is in order, I just don’t find in myself some of the feelings and emotions that I expect from a life together. My husband is a wonderful person and we get along well. I'm not interested in other men, it's just... Well, that's why I'm here." The girl looked away and continued: “And during meditation, I realize that my mind is still looking for something, and I understand the aimlessness of this pursuit of I don’t know what. I know that happiness is in myself, and not somewhere outside, but still I can’t do anything about the feeling of disappointment. Last night, after dinner with friends, we were walking down the street, and it seemed to me as if I should go to my house, and my husband to his. We are just friends - there is no love, no romance ... It's just ridiculous!

I understood her confusion very well and sincerely sympathized with her. I had been teaching meditation for many years, but I, as well as she, knew that kind of confusion. And just like her, I wanted to understand why we are so passionate about romance. Each of us may have similar questions.

For the first time, I learned about the possibility of combining the desire for harmony in love and spiritual practice from the teachings of Ram Dass. One of the students asked him a question about relationships. “If you really want to look at love from a spiritual side, you can turn your relationship into yoga, but it will be the most difficult yoga you will ever do.”

Although I was in my early twenties, I seemed to immediately understand the meaning of this advice - you just need to improve your ideas about love. But then I didn't want to! It did not fit my idealized views of love - an unconditional feeling, full of drama, with violent passions in and out of bed, with a joint search for the meaning of life. Ram Dass talked about relationships in which both partners do not expect anything from each other. But is it possible? Only years later, I was able to discern my own illusion of an ideal relationship, which became an integral part of my love expectations. And I realized what suffering it generates. Expectations are a form of seeing, and the Buddha taught that seeing is the bondage of freedom.

Knight on a white horse

Our expectations in love arise from real cultural backgrounds and historical events. From time to time, we all recall the 12th-13th centuries, when with the advent of chivalry, the attitude towards a woman radically changed - she began to be considered a model of spiritual perfection. Over time, the opinion has taken root that a pure feeling of love can transform a person and is almost the main condition for his spiritual growth. This new understanding combined unselfish feeling (in Greek "agape", or chaste love) with earthly, passionate love("eros") and friendship ("philia").

The idea that two people caring for each other could have a spiritual meaning was truly revolutionary. There was practically no sex in knightly love. A woman who was for someone the embodiment of perfection often married another. Romantic love was more of an experience of the soul than a sexual pleasure. But gradually, when choosing a spouse, feelings began to be taken into account. Previously, parents selected husbands and wives for their children, pursuing certain economic and social goals. By the 20th century, most people came to the conclusion that it was romantic love, and not marriage of convenience, that should be the basis for Serious relationships for life.

Today, notions of chivalrous love have mingled with the mundane desires of people, although to this day you can find traces of past aspirations to meet a friend of the heart, fall in love at first sight and read poetry to a beautiful lady. Love is often called the highest point of personal experience, but it is not associated with spirituality in any way. However, considering love as an end in itself, we are in constant search. We are filled with expectations.

Many believe that a relationship can be considered established only if all of our sexual, spiritual, economic and social-status wishes are fulfilled. Such happy cases can be counted on the fingers - hence the disappointment. Many couples find salvation in children and with their help fulfill their need for selfless love. But often this completely non-mercantile sense of connection with the child does not extend to your relationship with your husband or spiritual life. And when the children fade into the background, alienation remains between the spouses.

Kiss on the diaphragm

Hollywood romantic comedies make us think that if our love is not perfect in every way, then this is not a real feeling. Nothing more stupid can be imagined. For example, "Pretty Woman" has been considered one of the best films about the relationship between a man and a woman for the past 15 years. But if you look at it, none of the main characters of the film made even a fraction of the effort to really become a strong and generous partner, able to save the other. In fact, their behavior and the image of a prostitute and a capitalist predator just reinforce the contradictions. Everything happens spontaneously, “by magic”. I have often met people with expectations of something completely unrealistic from their relationship. As a result, they suffered from the fact that they constantly compared their situation with a fictional ideal of love relationships.

Datura love

Victoria, who was sitting in my office, is just the perfect example of a person who is trapped in her own illusions and expectations. For three years she wondered if she should keep the marriage or if it would be easier to find another person. It seemed to her that the time had come for decisive action, because she dreams of a child, and with age, there are fewer and fewer suitable candidates for marriage. I couldn't advise what to do, but I could show her how to approach problems consciously.

Even if you don't intend to turn your relationship into a spiritual practice, mindfulness work will help you deal with your expectations and attitudes that cause you pain in romantic love. As you study Buddhism, you gradually begin to understand that suffering in a relationship is not due to an event, but because of your reaction to it. You will soon realize that what the Buddha called “desire consciousness” torments you, it makes you strive for what you do not have, and therefore never brings satisfaction in both relationships and life. Something begins to annoy you in your life together. You compare what you have with a fictitious ideal picture and suffer because of it. As a result, you begin to worry and worry - or, conversely, become indifferent to your partner.

This, of course, does not mean that all your problems are far-fetched. This does not even mean that relationships that do not satisfy you should not be broken off. But your feelings are so distorted that it is difficult for you to understand what you really feel, so you are simply not able to make a wise decision.

When you include the work of consciousness in a relationship, you will notice that you constantly want something, expect something, and get annoyed when your partner does not give it to you. Behind these hindrances, love and affection are quickly forgotten. Your mind can also cling to fictional images, as a result you do not pay attention to reality and do not use the available opportunities to develop and deepen love relationships.

It is difficult to maintain the freshness of feelings when there are only excitements and experiences around. But, if you forget about love and trust, as soon as one of you stumbles, this will further increase the gap between you and complicate further rapprochement in the future.

Any relationship inevitably entails feelings of vulnerability, fear, insecurity, and disappointment—how could it be otherwise? It is difficult for an untrained mind to maintain equanimity and self-control, not to mention sympathy and mercy in difficult moments. Among other things, many of us expect love relationships to heal childhood wounds. We are waiting for loved one that it will become a source of unconditional love and endless praise that will help you overcome self-hatred, or relieve you of your anguish and unhappiness, or help you find a purpose in life. Spiritual practice will help you much more, because your beloved expects the same from you. Practice gives strength and develops consciousness to solve all these problems. When you understand the essence of relationships, you can become more self-sufficient and less dependent over time.

Unhealthy relationships

It is important to distinguish healthy relationships from unhealthy ones. In unhealthy relationships, your openness leads to attacks, vulnerability increases, spirituality is suppressed, and spontaneity and freshness of feelings become impossible. You do not feel the ability for internal development and are not able to enjoy life. The cause of such an unhealthy relationship may be psychological, emotional or physical abuse, and perhaps also an extreme degree of incompatibility, leaving no hope of compromise. You feel inner emptiness. Both your partner and yourself can be to blame for this, or maybe both of you - due to long-term psychological trauma. Or maybe you're not right for each other. If you have repeatedly experienced obvious injustice, then perhaps the best way out for both of you is to break up.

However, if you are not getting the return you want from your partner, this does not mean that your relationship is inherently unhealthy. If you do not have enough words of approval, or you are not satisfied with the current lifestyle, or you did not find the traits that you wanted to find in the character of your partner, this also does not mean that the relationship did not work out. Maybe a difficult period has come in your life together, or perhaps you need to reconsider your expectations. Of course, you are free to end the relationship even for these minor reasons. But there is a big difference between a divorce due to some kind of contradiction or a rupture of a connection that is dangerous to health and mental state. If you want to understand your relationships, work with them and eventually turn them into yoga, then there are three models of healthy expression of love, from which you can choose the most attractive for you.

Option 1: trust each other

I called this model "two healthy egos in the center." Its essence is a harmonious and honest exchange of feelings, help and support between two people. In a way, this is the modern ideal of what relationships and intimacy should be. This is a partnership, a union of equals. People expect to receive equal amounts of attention, care and love from each other. This fair exchange includes shared decision-making, shared responsibilities, and respect for the values ​​and desires of the other.

Actually, this is an ideal model of equality, where you strive to give your partner as much as you receive from him. But you do not demand anything in return for your care, because you understand that loving someone is already a reward in itself. Therefore, the basis of such a union is warmth and immediacy.

You must have realized by now that building such a relationship requires two healthy egos. If one of you is too selfish and demanding, nothing will work. Of course, falling in love cannot be eternal and it is foolish to assume that you will always agree with each other in everything. The main thing is that you are ready to base your relationship on fair exchange and also believed that the other side adhered to these rules.

By turning on your consciousness, you can be in "real time" partnerships and accept reality as it is. Your practice will help you get rid of defensiveness and fear, as well as the power of your own desires. This relationship model fails if one or both parties make unrealistic demands. Then bargaining and the desire to protect come to the fore. own interests. It is unlikely that you will be able to use this relationship model as a tool for spiritual improvement. First of all, you satisfy the needs of your ego - your idea of ​​\u200b\u200bhappiness is based on this. But everything is constantly changing, including relations between people - someone got sick, someone was offended, someone's desires changed. Something unexpected will happen, and your interests will be affected. And you will not be ready for this, because you have not created a stronger and more durable foundation for happiness.

Option 2: trust in love

The second option for an ideal relationship is a serious step towards spiritual love. I would call this type of relationship "love and ego in the center." You are capable of experiencing love that has nothing to do with satisfying your ego's desires. Although your "I" is still very important to both of you, but in the center where they touch, there is also love itself, and both of you can feed on it. You connect with love itself, and you no longer need to offset and exchange. Do you realize how many opportunities you have?

You do not require any proof of love from your partner and do not try to force him to match your ideal image. He or she becomes a real inspiration for you, as well as an incentive for personal development and deepening spiritual practice. In this type of relationship, the partner may not meet some ideals, all sorts of difficulties may await you, but this does not pose a real threat to the relationship. The ability to love will develop according to your degree of maturity. You rejoice that you can make your lover happy. You look at him through the “love glasses” not because she or he is perfect, but because love has nothing to do with an objective assessment of a partner, rivalry or the search for benefits. This is a form of self-expression. It is somewhat similar to the love of parents for a child. If it is healthy love, then parents will not try to measure it or expect anything from their child in return. You seem to be giving a priceless gift without expecting anything in return. Such an understanding of love is possible only if you really believe that in the soul of each of us there is some kind of energy space for love.

This model of love contributes to the development of spiritual practice. Such a feeling has nothing to do with egoistic desires, thanks to which it gradually changes the personality. Your movement towards selfless love can lead to the fact that it will spread not only to your beloved, but also to other people and, ultimately, to the entire universe.

For example, if you have subordinates at work, then you can try to start behaving with them not as a boss to whom everyone reports, but as a mentor who helps subordinates to succeed. You help others grow and develop, even if as a result they leave for another, best work. In return, you get the satisfaction of seeing how your subordinates develop, and you know that this is also your merit. Similarly, relationships with friends and relatives can be built.

True, there is a danger that such love may eventually degenerate into self-sacrifice and voluntary martyrdom - and yet neither of these has anything to do with true love. In this case, the partner may begin to manipulate you - avoid talking on important topics, provoke quarrels in order to once again hear assurances of eternal love and affection during stormy explanations. But this can always be avoided due to the inclusion of consciousness.

Option 3: only love

The third way to turn your relationship into yoga can be conditionally called "in the center - only love." This is a partial or complete rejection of one's own selfish expectations. You generally stop counting on the fulfillment of your desires. If they do, great. But if this does not happen, it will not stop you from giving your partner your love. This does not mean that you have to put up with the destructive behavior of a loved one, just that you give up your usual expectations. Sounds intimidating, doesn't it? But this only testifies to the strength and power over us of stereotypes of ideal love.

The very idea of ​​building relationships in this way may seem strange and even wrong. So why is this option needed? Those of my students who chose this type of relationship were guided by various reasons. Some had difficulties in relationships, but they did not want to part with the once beloved person (although they were engaged in spiritual practice and, in the event of a break, they could enlist the support of friends). This is similar to how the soul of a person tries to conquer the duhkha (unsatisfactory aspects of life) with the help of love. Others were doing fine, but as they reached a certain level in their practice, they wanted to take this step for the sake of self-liberation. I would like to emphasize that this option has nothing to do with self-sacrifice or masochism. It's about responding to all the disappointments and hardships we face day after day with love—again and again. This is not easy, and in order to succeed, you must sincerely give up your desires. No wonder Ram Dass called it the most difficult type of yoga!

The easiest place to start is by letting go of your expectations in the little things, such as resigning yourself to the fact that your husband will never let go of his habits that irritate you so much. I know many people who are constantly faced with problems in a particular area of ​​relationship with a loved one. They made a promise to themselves to overcome these obstacles with the help of love, and they succeeded.

If you are interested in the third option, do not tell your partner about it. This is your inner work. Otherwise, you may become more vulnerable. It is important that none of the parties begin to manipulate this in moments of crisis. Of course, you will need to talk to someone you trust and respect in order to realistically assess your options. It's okay if you try to apply this model but you won't be able to do anything. This will simply mean that this moment you are not yet ready for such an expression of your love. Everything has its time.

mysterious world

When we discussed all these possibilities with my guest Victoria, at first she bombarded me with questions. Finally she said: “The first option in my case will not work. We do not have any partnership in the relationship, so if I need equality in the relationship, then this is not possible here, it is better to just stop them. For the third option, I'm not ready yet, but the second option really interested me. I just experienced something similar. Perhaps, unbeknownst to myself, I have already begun to use it. ” I explained to her that most people get some combination of these three options, and they are constantly changing.

By taking a mindful approach to relationships, you have the opportunity to take a real part in the process of their development and at the same time improve as a person. Your decision to dedicate yourself to love will become the foundation upon which you will walk through life. I can't predict how it will develop family life my student. But I was sure that if she opened her heart, she would definitely have the opportunity to transform herself internally. And then her relationship will become yoga for her.

Conscious work with love relationship will allow you to better control them. Life will appear before you in all its versatility, and you will be able to discover new opportunities in yourself. You will learn to overcome the inevitable difficulties and disappointments that come with any relationship. Gradually, what used to bring you suffering will help you to know the secret of the love of one imperfect person for another equally imperfect person.

Author Sophie GH asked a question in Dating, Love, Relationships

Is there love for life? and got the best answer

Answer from Ўliya Konovalova (Derkach)[guru]
There are, as you know, a lot of definitions of love, and in each definition a person tries to put his own meaning, different from others and prompted by life itself and its own life experience. Few imagine happy life without this bright feeling, and a person often spends his whole life in search of ideal love. Everyone has their own idea of ​​what love should be, however, obviously, everyone wants this feeling to live forever in the heart.
A person, as you know, is the creator of his own destiny, and it is in his power to make sure that the feelings of him and his partner towards him last as long as possible.
How can we make sure that our love retains its unique freshness, if not for life, then for a very long time? First of all, one should not imitate love, namely love. If you initially love the person who is next to you, then you obviously do not need to make much effort in order for you to keep your feeling for a very long time. Just love each other and prove your love with deeds. After all, over time, deeds speak of love much more eloquently than just beautiful words and this should always be remembered. Prove your love to each other every day, every minute, and then you will be able to keep love for life. It depends only on us whether our feelings will be durable, and whether we will be able to carry them through our whole life. After all, love is not only sighs in the moonlight and passionate confessions, it is also much more!

Answer from User deleted[expert]
LOVE to the grave both fools!!

Answer from Rebelde Manu[expert]
maybe, but most likely in a couple of years it’s only a habit for a person, but some may have such a 100%

Answer from Anyutka.ru[guru]
of course, why then there are couples who celebrate the golden wedding?

Answer from Solnce[guru]
yes.example my parents

Answer from Chaki[guru]
I believe in this, so it happens

Answer from Elena Aksenova[guru]
Depends on life expectancy.

Answer from Art[guru]
many will not agree, but my grandfather and grandmother's wives are still like doves ... lovers run into each other ... it's nice to look ... look at them, and you want to live ...

Answer from Olga Potapova[guru]
it happens, love for life for good things and a beautiful life))

Answer from Elena[guru]
I don't know... maybe it happens... if you really meet your soul mate... otherwise... just look at the statistics of divorces for the year... You start to be convinced of the opposite!!

Answer from User deleted[guru]
Love is one and only for life. Everything else can be called falling in love, infatuation, anything, but this is no longer love.

Love at first sight is a topic that causes a lot of controversy. Someone believes that love does not arise so quickly, because it is a deeper feeling, and sensations and a surge of hormones are just falling in love. Someone believes that such love can arise between people who are destined for each other by fate. Before drawing conclusions, it is worth considering this definition from the point of view of biology and psychology.

Love at first sight from the point of view of biology i

Many scientists believe that in humans, as in the animal world, great importance pheromones play - chemical compounds that help choose a partner by smell. Under the influence of these substances, a person can produce hormones that affect the speed of the heart muscle. Pheromones are not visible or palpable visually, but they act on the olfactory receptors and make a person feel in love.

The second point of view is that fast falling in love is characteristic of formed “individuals”, which, like in the animal world, have a need to reproduce future generations. So, for example, animals do not go on dates, but choose each other according to instincts that are also characteristic of people.

How people fall in love and who does it more often read in our article.

Love at first sight from the point of view of psychology 2

Psychologists cannot agree on whether love at first sight exists or not. Someone believes that this is just sexual attraction, someone inclines this concept to the spiritual closeness of people or the emotional aspects of communication. But all psychologists agree in one opinion, this is that emotional and energetic personalities are prone to such a feeling. When a person has too much energy and emotions, they begin to look for an object on which these emotions can be thrown out. Thus, it is more correct to call such a feeling not love, but love, and it can quickly pass and quickly arise, depending on the emotional state of the individual.

Signs of love at first sight 3

• Feeling embarrassed. It happens that a person who is liberated by nature suddenly becomes very timid and shy with someone - this is the first sign of falling in love.
• Blush. When a person sees the object of his sighing, a surge of hormones occurs, which affects the acceleration of the heart and, as a result, the appearance of a pink blush on the cheeks.

• Thoughts about the future. Without controlling it himself, a man in love has thoughts about a joint future. Girls begin to try on the name of their beloved, and the guys think about spending time together.
• Feeling like you've known the person for a long time. If feelings arose mutually, then people quickly find a common language and there is a feeling that a person has known each other for a long time.
• Butterflies in the stomach. This feeling of excitement, emotional outburst is experienced by every person in love.

the most correct and complete definition the words "love" read further on the link.

Benefits of love at first sight 4

• The correctness of the choice. It is often said that the first decision is always the right one, and when a person begins to think and reflect, he begins to make mistakes. The same goes for love at first sight. Hastily decisions made, speak of a person's confidence in their first sensations.
• Lots of positive emotions. When a person can easily fall in love, he produces hormones of happiness and joy. During the entire love period, the level of hormones does not decrease.

The film P. S. I love you"

• Quick marriage. When it doesn't take long for people to bond and get used to each other, they start family relationships faster.
• Saving time and money. When people are embraced by love at first sight, they do not need a lot of time for costly dates and other material costs.
• A strong desire to take care of appearance. When a person falls in love, he does everything to lure the object of his adoration and begins to actively take care of himself - go to Gym, care for clothes, use fragrant perfumes and so on.

Cons of love at first sight 5

• Early household problems. The sooner a couple begins to meet and live together, the more likely it is that domestic problems will begin in married couples due to immaturity, selfishness and unwillingness to realistically assess domestic conflicts.

• Physical attraction is often confused with love. Often the feeling of passion and lust can be confused with love. But after reaching the sexual need, emotions and feelings disappear and the person becomes uninteresting.
• Windy people fall in love at first sight. Therefore, before trusting a new friend or girlfriend, you should definitely make sure that the feelings are really genuine. Otherwise, the wave is possible that the words that this is love at first sight speak not only to you.
• Love at first sight is not always mutual. More often than not, such love is always one-sided and brings grief to the person in love.
• At first sight, you can only fall in love with appearance. Unfortunately, at first glance it is difficult to understand what kind of person is in character, interests, and so on. Inner quality, can only be understood with time.

Let's talk about the very essence of love in the next article.

Many girls dream all their lives of love that would last forever. About who is able to love all his life and why this happens, read in my article.

When there is a feeling that you are still missing something: respect, understanding, affection, love, then accumulating inside, all these shortages do not allow you to live. The only way out of a stupor when you are offended is the realization that this is your inner desire to be given in return as much attention, love and respect as you give, but if they give more, then suddenly a feeling of guilt wakes up that you gave something more.

Now I realized that nothing happens equally, if I don’t find a common language with my beloved, then it’s not at all necessary to balance between resentment and guilt all my life, but simply to please my beloved without expecting that they will give you something in return.

Life is short, and the task of each of us is to get the most out of it. The greatest pleasure and at the same time suffering are delivered to us by other people. Keeping this in mind and understanding others, you can find the much-needed peace of mind.

Visual swings of my heart
The more I became attached to my beloved, the more his unwillingness to fill me with emotions in a timely manner, which I, as a woman with a visual vector, really need, became more drama for me. Resentment that he did not give me flowers, did not invite me on dates, was not there in difficult times, gradually absorbed me. In a fit of visual emotional excitement, I continued to try on the image of a “real man” that I had in my imagination for that real person with whom I had a relationship, and that real one, of course, lost all the time.

Today I clearly understand that my figurative intellect played a cruel joke with me, because I myself, being in pink glasses, drew for myself those qualities that I wanted, but he didn’t know about those fictitious pictures that stood before my eyes all the time . He was a sensitive boy all his life, who also visually loved me, he is still vulnerable and able to sympathize with someone else's grief with all his heart.

Once upon a time, I was very annoyed by the fact that he often had tears in his eyes from some harsh words on my part. Today I understand that tears in the eyes are natural for an anal-visual man. Having by nature the most developed visual vector, it is the anal-visual men who are able to feel subtly. But at the same time, they constantly feel an internal tension between their desire to be a “real man” in the anal vector and the visual cultural restriction that implies soft, intelligent behavior.

I understood him and my inner nature and stopped trying on his actions to the image of a fictional perfect man. And fell in love again real person with all the advantages and disadvantages.
Today, there is only one wormhole left in my attitude towards him. We have not been together all our lives. Thanks to my abstract sound intelligence, love at a distance is quite familiar to me. The constant separation makes itself felt, but still does not kill me.

Today, Skype and the Internet help unite us, it’s a pity that on Skype I can’t feel his breath, smell, and hold his hand, but maybe this is the first step towards new relationships from the future, when inner spiritual intimacy will become more important than animal attraction and visual emotional connection .

To feel the one you love as you love yourself - that's the secret that system-vector psychology revealed to me. If you want to discover this secret for yourself, try to discover the secrets of the unconscious, all those mechanisms of interaction between people hidden from us, the understanding of which can immeasurably simplify our life and teach us to get the maximum pleasure from life and from each other!

Is it possible to have real feelings for several people during a lifetime, or does it only happen once? Is there love for life, and is there any point in expecting a new one? People get answers to these questions only in the darkest or happiest periods of their lives.

Some thoughts on feelings

About whether there is love for life, everyone will probably answer in their own way, given their own experience. According to one version, a person has not a single kindred spirit, but several who accompany us at various stages of life in order to teach something, to present the necessary experience for development. According to people who have experienced such meetings, communication with "one's own person" is unforgettable, filled with strong emotions.

Not everyone distinguishes between passion, falling in love and love, and therefore they tend to think that love is short-lived. And since people go in cycles in a primitive and accessible form of love - passion, the attraction of opposites - other, higher forms of it are not revealed to them. Whether love lasts a lifetime depends on how seriously both partners work on their relationship.

Or maybe the whole point is to be able to manage your feelings, which are revealed after the perfect choice in favor of this or that person? After all, everyone can create a fairy tale out of relationships. The lack of emotions is initially compensated by skillfully directed attention, and then, with the advent of complete mutual understanding, feelings also mature.

What is love?

Falling in love manifests itself when meeting with a person you like in a feeling of euphoria, embarrassment, a feeling of "butterflies in the stomach", a hurricane of emotions and longing when a loved one is not around. To strengthen and maintain this feeling, it is enough to see each other rarely, and also to have little information about each other. In this state, it is necessary to manage your emotions so that under their influence you do not do stupid things.

In accordance with the psychology of love and gender relations, the connection between people exists on a spiritual, emotional, chemical, physical level. And after falling in love, it's time for love. But often this does not happen: communication is replaced sexual relations behind which people realize that they have no future. Love for life is possible when it turns out to turn love into trust, understanding, fidelity.

What is love?

Love is a feeling that comes to a person regardless of his age, beliefs, upbringing, life position.

Some people tend to call emotions a drug addiction, a disease, a type of mental disorder. Yes, these people actually loved once. But in cases where love was immature, it turned out to be unhappy, so it brought a psychological attitude like the one that you should no longer open yourself to feelings.

Everyone knows that the first stage of love - the so-called passion - gradually passes, and instead of it there is a unity of souls, which is expressed in strong friendship, absolute mutual understanding, confidence in each other, sympathy. And the nature of further communication depends on how wisely the partners approach building relationships. Experts identify several common stages of relations for all pairs of relationships:

• honeymoon (the period can last up to six months and allows you to get rid of your fears);
• confrontation of vanities (passes when partners begin to objectively look at each other's shortcomings; at this time it is important to learn how to work with claims);
• true love.

The perception of another person as part of oneself is a manifestation of love that cannot be destroyed. People do not imagine reality otherwise than in the form of a common life. Those who are lucky enough to meet their soul mate are sure that feelings do not disappear, but only change their form. But without them, existence would be meaningless.

Love differs from falling in love with the desire to take care of a person, to sympathize, respect, show affection not only to him, but also to other people, to give everyone a wonderful mood. Love is the result of work on oneself, the desire to learn to live in mutual understanding, the willingness to work on preserving feelings.

Eternal love or addiction?

A person whose meaning of life is to serve the same partner is called a monogamist. In their perception, the rejection of feelings is like a global catastrophe. Their thoughts will be directed towards one person all their lives.

A person who is convinced that he is not able to live without the object of his love should discover an important truth: feelings come and go, their new forms, levels, shades appear. It is worth coming to terms with this and not bringing yourself to a heart attack, and not locking yourself up, but opening yourself to the world.

Unrequited lovers do not want to perceive the world otherwise than through the prism of their feelings, which forces them to suffer for many years.

What psychologists say

One should not expect and look for ideals that would "overshadow", "click", completely subordinating to oneself. Before finding love, it is recommended to show an unconditional attitude towards a partner, to reveal your generosity, not to spare spiritual warmth. And then, on the basis of nobility, a spark will first appear, and then a strong feeling will grow stronger and flourish.

All people are unique, so relationships with each person develop in a special way. But there are laws, relying on which, you can achieve the desired results. According to the psychology of relationships, love for life can be saved by showing tenderness, care, as well as negative experiences that should not be hidden. Indifference is more harmful than resentment.

In any family, disputes and conflicts are possible, and this is normal. The main thing in the process of searching for the truth is not to humiliate, not insult the other, not to underestimate his significance, not to lose sight of self-esteem.

The psychology of life and love in a couple suggests that there is no person who can satisfy all the interests of his soulmate. It should also be understood that addiction leads to painful self-awareness, vulnerability, depression.

For the stability of relationships, not only moral support is important, but also physical closeness, including caresses and touches of hands. But an excess of interaction encourages partners to move away from each other.

Mutual pastime is necessary, which is useful for strengthening relations. And if at an early stage people stayed together because of strong emotions, then later they need to take care of joint activities and hobbies.

Male psychology

Every girl, probably, asked herself the question of whether there is one love for life, given the natural practicality and earthiness of men who are not always able to express feelings.

In fact, a man can love one woman all his life. The only question is to find a person who is looking for love and is able to maintain constancy.

Male psychology in love and relationships differs from female psychology in that the representative of the stronger sex is able to withdraw into himself in the event of a quarrel. Therefore, it is important for a woman to be able to find an approach to her partner without pushing him away.

The peculiarity of the male psyche also includes the ability to switch to the appearance of a pretty girl, her form, but this is only a temporary phenomenon that does not cancel true feelings. If he used physical force against a woman, you should not believe all his persuasions: such a man will repeat the humiliating action repeatedly.

The lover will emphasize the advantages and advantages of his soulmate, the "flawed" one will only look for flaws in her and her relatives, while realizing that there are no ideal people. loving person will do everything to share responsibilities, take part in any events in the life of a partner, and will not avoid activities that are not quite familiar to him.

Even if a man is silent, on a subconscious level, he compares and draws up a complete picture of his partner: how she endures conflicts, how time behaves with him. Outlook, the values ​​​​of his beloved for him should not remain familiar. In order to maintain a relationship, a man needs to experience admiration and interest in his woman.

What makes cracks

Constant tantrums, scandals and prohibitions, refusal of intimacy lead to the fact that partners are disappointed in their loved ones. Over time, irritation accumulates, and love can actually disappear.

In order not to aggravate such a period of life, it is not recommended to focus on the crisis, but to allow the relationship to mature. The psychology of love for life and the health of relationships is to give unselfishly. And then the donated is returned a hundredfold.

An easy attitude to problems is an integral part of a healthy relationship. If you perceive them as tasks, not problems, overcome obstacles with humor, this approach will eliminate possible "cracks".

Emotional control allows you to avoid loss of balance and destruction, and thereby maintain respect and love for life.

Finally a few practical advice psychologists:

• In order for a man to feel important and necessary, it is necessary to allow him to feel responsible for his beloved. Ask him for all kinds of help: moral, material, friendly.
• At first, with the appropriate behavior of a woman, the fear of losing her, and then respect, fulfill their important function: a man strives for his partner, and he does not have time to look around, search for "new prey". In marriage, it is important to learn to maintain this delicate balance between partners.
• Men's actions mean more than words. Therefore, women should build a relationship strategy based on facts, not what was said.
• A man needs warmth and affection no less than a woman. You just need to observe the measure in giving pleasant emotions.
• To understand the truth of a man's feelings, you should pay attention to his manner of clarifying the relationship. If he is afraid of breaking them, this means that he values ​​\u200b\u200bhis woman. Acquaintance with his friends, parents, at the initiative of a man, will be a confirmation of this.
• You should not compete with a man, because, due to his natural instincts, he has a desire for leadership. And the intention to surpass it will give rise to the spirit of competition.

What does compatibility depend on?

The duration of a successful relationship depends on compatibility, with regard to both the individual inclinations of each, and the ability to find harmony in difficulties.

From the extent to which the needs of the partner are understood and alternative ways of interacting with him are found, the maintenance of interest and admiration for a person at the proper level depends, which is protection against betrayal.

Zodiac compatibility is of no small importance in whether partners stay together. But it would be a mistake to look for justifications for your behavior in astrological characteristics, because a person comes into the world to improve himself.