Parting how to be. How to survive a breakup with a loved one

For many women, there comes a time when you have to think about how to survive parting with a loved one. It is important to try to benefit even from such a difficult situation. You need to analyze your behavior, get distracted and find sources of inspiration in order to continue to go through life with a smile.

Why is it hard to let go of someone you love?

To understand how to survive the pain of parting, you first need to decide why you can’t let go of your lover. This happens for the following reasons:

Relationships were long-term. When people meet for many years, they get used to each other a lot. Daily conversations and frequent meetings become an important part of life. Many couples even have their own traditions. With the rupture of relations, these familiar things disappear. The first time they will be missed.
First relationship. First love is often strong. The girl thinks that her first man is her destiny. After a breakup, it is difficult to come to terms with the idea that this love was not for life.
Age. If a woman is already over 30, she does not have a husband and children, but she wants to have a family, then she can perceive a man as her last chance.
Low self-esteem. A woman who considers herself ugly or boring, after a breakup, will begin to think that she will never have new suitors again, because no one will love her like that. She may also feel guilty, believing that she alone is to blame for the breakup.
Love is like an addiction. In this case, after parting, the girl will not only suffer greatly, but may also begin to pursue her former partner.
Absence of loved ones. If a woman does not like to be in society and she has no friends, then after parting she will be left completely alone, because former man was her only close friend. Loneliness will scare her, and she will begin to cling to a broken relationship.

The reasons are also related to the fact that something constantly reminds of a former lover. For example, if he works with a woman and they have many mutual friends.

What is the best way to deal with a breakup?

There are several ways to deal with a breakup. To understand how to survive a breakup with your beloved man, you should try all of the above means.

Let yourself be sad

Before you learn how easier it is to survive parting with a loved one, you need to give yourself the opportunity to cry. This method effective when you need to relieve internal stress. It is necessary to allocate 1 evening to give vent to emotions. You can turn on the melodrama and buy your favorite sweets.

Do not overdo it: 1 pm is enough.

If a woman constantly cries, it will not only have a bad effect on her appearance but also for health.

Burn all bridges

After parting, it is necessary to burn bridges. To do this, you need to block the phone number. former lover. If communication took place on social networks, you need to remove him from friends and add him to the black list so that this person does not appear in the list of recommended profiles. If a woman feels that she will still look into his account, then it is better for her to leave the social network for a while.

You can not try to establish communication and return love. Obsession will only anger the former lover, and he will once again be convinced that he did the right thing by interrupting this relationship. If he wants to come back, he will come.

Separately, it is necessary to mention how to survive parting with married man who was not ready to leave the family. Then you will have to block not only himself, but also his wife, who will also be a reminder that the loved one decided to leave.

Ask loved ones for help

To distract from heavy thoughts, you need to spend more time with loved ones. It is better to tell them about the breakup so that they do not remember that man in conversations.

We should go to the cinema and go for walks together. Dealing with a breakup is easier when life is full interesting events and pleasant encounters. You can also ask relatives how to survive a breakup with a loved one in order to take their advice.

Find a reason to be happy

You need to think about how to calm yourself after a breakup. It is important to find a reason to be happy. It all depends on the girl's hobbies. You can enroll in courses, buy a pool membership, go shopping, go on a trip or read new book. A woman should remember what she has long wanted to do, but constantly put it off due to lack of time.

It is important to take your mind off the breakup so that there is no desire to take revenge or return this love relationship.

It is worth learning to see the beauty around. To do this, you need to get out of the house more often and walk around the city. Sunny weather, the first snowfall or blooming flowers can be a reason for joy.

Be irresistible

Separately, it is necessary to mention how to forget betrayal, how to survive betrayal, parting because of another woman. In such a situation, self-esteem suffers greatly. This cannot be allowed.

It is worth taking a close look at your appearance: go to a beauty salon, buy a new dress, try unusual makeup. If a girl feels beautiful, it will be easier for her to forget the man who left for another.

Set new goals for yourself

When discussing how to survive a difficult breakup, it is important to mention that you need to set new goals. Thus, you can not only be distracted from experiences, but also put energy into a peaceful direction.

For example, learn a new language or learn how to cook French cuisine. The goal can be a new position at work.

You should not immediately set a goal to find a man, because first you need to completely let go of the old love. It is better to take time for yourself, find new hobbies and engage in self-development in order to enter new relationships renewed and full of energy. Such a woman is more likely to attract a man.

How much time is needed?

When wondering how to survive a breakup after a long relationship, it is also important to consider how long it takes. It all depends solely on the woman and how dear this man was to her.

In order to quickly cope with the gap, you need to stop crying, realize that this person has forever remained in the past, and engage in self-development. As soon as a woman realizes that her life has become interesting, eventful and happy, it will be possible to assume that the separation has been experienced. This will take at least 1 month. During this time, new habits will appear, and the rhythm of life will change.

If you continue to cry and worry, then it will take a lifetime to let go of this relationship.

Psychologists' advice

Breaking up a relationship is always stressful. When a girl realizes that she cannot cope on her own, she can go to a psychologist for an individual or group lesson. The help of a specialist is needed if, due to a breakup, self-esteem has suffered, faith in love has disappeared and the first symptoms of depression have appeared.

A psychologist will help a woman understand herself so that she finds the strength to move on in life, set goals and achieve them.

Experts advise first to forgive a person for this pain and for a difficult break, otherwise it will not be possible to let him go, because. internal resentment will constantly gnaw. You can pour out all your feelings in a handwritten letter, but you can’t send it. It must be broken or burned, thereby putting an end to it. After that, relief will come and there will be a desire to act further, making life more interesting and happier.

It doesn't matter which one of you ended the relationship, you still get hurt. When a relationship ends, it can be difficult to come to terms with it, and not everyone can get together and move on with their lives. Someone succeeds far from immediately, so our article will tell you ways to make it easier to survive a breakup.

Steps

move away

Stop talking to the guy. Tell him clearly that you don't want to continue the relationship anymore, and don't drag out the breakup for too long.

If you did not decide to end the relationship, try to immediately clarify the situation.
- Don't use vague phrases like "we can't seem to get it right" or "I don't think this is what I want right now."
- Speak directly. If you are asked to answer, any phrase that leaves no room for doubt, such as "it's all over," will do.

Try not to cross paths with your ex-boyfriend. You may have common friends, interests, you may be colleagues or classmates. Change your schedule whenever possible, ask your friends to let you know about your ex-boyfriend's plans, and update your social media pages with the places you're going to go and the activities you intend to attend.
- Take care of your social media pages. Change your status, remove your ex as a friend, remove all photos of you together, and remove tags from photos posted by your mutual friends.
  - If your friends are on your side, ask them to unfriend your ex as well.
  - If your friends want to keep in touch with him, do not go to their pages so as not to see photos or posts left by your ex-boyfriend.
- Change your schedule. You will need to go to work or school anyway, even if your boyfriend is there too, so you need to learn how to go wherever you need to and not worry about meeting you-know-who. Think about how you can adjust your current schedule.
  - If you're studying with your ex, be the last to enter the classroom moments before the bell rings. This way you avoid unnecessary conversations.
  - If you have to work together, bring coffee in a thermos and snack at work so you don't run into an ex-boyfriend in the kitchen. If you have to walk past your ex-boyfriend's desk to get to the restroom, try to find out if other restrooms in the building are available. If you don't want to meet him at the copier, ask a colleague to make copies for you, or save this task for the end of the day.
  - If you both go to the same bar, shop, gym, or any other place, try to go there on different days or a little earlier or later than usual.
Get your head on something else. Lack of meetings and conversations will not help you if inside you are still reliving all the good and bad moments of the relationship over again. Keep yourself occupied with something new to take your mind off the memories.

Reach out to your spiritual side. Whatever you choose, turning to any spiritual practice will allow you to find peace after a breakup.

Consult a psychologist if you find it difficult to cope with your condition on your own. In women who have not managed to survive the gap for 16 months, brain activity decreases in the centers responsible for emotions, motivation and attention. In other words, with prolonged depression, the structure of the brain changes, which explains the inability to concentrate and gather. Don't let yourself suffer long time, ask for help.

Move on

Spend time with friends. Friends will always be by your side, no matter what happens in your personal life, and now is the best time to give them more attention. Invite them to dinner, go to a club or the mall with them. Spend more time together!

Make a playlist that would charge you with a good mood. Music stimulates the human brain to produce dopamine, a substance responsible for a good mood. Choose songs that make you smile, dance and have fun.

Get a pet. It's no secret why it's so good to have a cat or dog at home. A four-legged friend will help you cope with loneliness, pain, depression, make you move more and be in good shape.
- Walking your dog is a great way not only to stretch, but also to meet new people. Dating other pet owners like you will expand your social circle and allow you to find like-minded people.
- Animals give unconditional love. You will not strive so hard and hard to receive endless love and devotion from everyone. young man who you could develop a relationship with if you already have someone who will always be devoted to you.
Get yourself in shape. If you've been dropping out or if you haven't had the energy or desire to sign up for a gym, now is the time to fix it. Physical exercise, like music, cause the body to produce dopamine, so not only will you look better - you will also feel better.
- Sports normalize sleep, fill you with strength and improve self-esteem, that is, restore those areas that could have suffered after a break.
- If after a breakup you tried to numb the pain with food, you could gain a couple of pounds. Sports will help you get rid of them.
Spend more time on your appearance. It is not necessary to completely change your wardrobe, hairstyle and makeup (although this never hurts) - any concern for appearance will definitely bear fruit: you will feel better and be more attractive to the opposite sex.
- Browse fashion magazines and websites for new ideas for yourself. You're not the only one who wants to change something in your image after a breakup - you will find many photos of celebrities illustrating their appearance before and after a breakup with someone.
- You can change quite a bit: make light coloring or change the color of lip gloss. Something new in appearance will support your A New Look for life.
Don't give up on new opportunities. You may not yet be ready to start a new relationship, but this does not mean that you should completely refuse to communicate with men. Keep an eye on nice guys, get out somewhere where you can flirt.
- If you like someone, make eye contact with them and smile. You will not owe anything to anyone if you do not refuse a conversation or an invitation to a cup of coffee.
- If you start dating someone you like, don't tell them about past relationships or complain about your ex. Your new acquaintance will not be ready to immediately hear a story about your past, especially if this story is saturated with negativity. Do not say bad things about an ex-boyfriend - this will alienate a new man.

The best way to get over an ex boyfriend is to find a new one. Go somewhere where you can dance, meet someone, take your mind off things. And every time you see your ex-boyfriend, think only about the good that he brought to your life.

Warnings

Don't tell everyone you meet about your personal life. Do not leave sad messages on your pages on social networks, but do not trumpet to the whole world that you are happy - in this case, your ex-boyfriend may decide that this relationship never meant anything to you, and this will hurt him. Just don't post anything related to it anywhere.

At different stages of their relationship, couples perceive separation for a while differently. At the beginning of a relationship, you can’t imagine that you could survive at least a day without your loved one, after a couple of years you still really value the time spent together, but, especially if you already live together, you can control yourself when have to part for a while. It’s harder, of course, in the evenings, because only then you realize how hard it is to fall asleep without burying your head in your beloved shoulder.

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But what to do, life is such that various situations and circumstances for different periods of time will periodically separate you, and you will have to somehow cope with this time. Of course, I don’t dare to call myself an expert in such matters, but I already have some experience - my husband is periodically sent on business trips to various cities in Russia, so every 2-3 months I have to cope with bouts of loneliness and a feeling of emptiness in the house , from the fact that there is no one to cook and wild longing for a loved one. Which, by the way, is exactly what is happening right now.

And despite the fact that nothing can be done with the very fact that you will miss a person - after all, this is a “reward” for being you for real, but I learned to cope with the rest. All you need is to understand how this time is useful for you and your relationship. How to do it? I will tell you now.

1. After separation, love burns in a new way.

I will never forget what my husband and I experienced after our first forced separation, which lasted two weeks. Yes, not a year, not six months, not a month, but just like two weeks. However, this time also affected our feelings in an absolutely amazing way. It all started with an excited meeting at the airport and did not end, probably, until the second separation after 2 months. And this is absolutely normal and logical, because a person has time to get used to absolutely everything, especially good things. When you first met, you walked in the park once or twice a week, went to cafes, movies - it was one time. You managed to miss each other and each time flew to a meeting in pairs of love.

When you move in, you don’t need to fly anywhere, your man is always at your side, you just get used to the fact that he is always there. You still gently sniff on his shoulder and inhale the smell of his perfume with pleasure, but you no longer appreciate some moments so much. And then BAM!, and he's not around! It's such a thrill to realize again how much you miss him, how much you need him, and he needs you, how nice it is to understand that love and passion still roam around, you just sometimes forget to pay attention to them.

I am not a masochist, but I still understand how great it is that after so much time, we are still happy to write tender text messages, we are looking forward to hearing each other's voice and sincerely love and look forward to meeting. And, when it finally happens, both of you are captured by some kind of flurry of emotions, your feelings seem to have been born again and are now burning with tripled strength. In fact, this is still the same love, just now it is much stronger and stronger. That's all.

2. Surprise

This is a rather interesting way to brighten up loneliness and at the same time make the moment of "reunion" even more interesting and sweeter. You can cook something especially delicious, change something in your apartment, just buy something that he dreamed about so much or arrange a whole erotic show with your participation in the company of seductive music.

It is clear that if your husband got home through several flights or a tiringly long time in a stuffy train, he may not be in the mood for sexual pleasures at first, but after he rests, I think you will know what “a very long time” means. tolerated." Especially if you warm up his interest, albeit tired, by arranging dinner plates in a transparent peignoir and fragrant with his favorite feminine scent.

You can also just help him relax by making him or taking a hot bath with him with a glass of wine, candles and pleasant music, and then finally sleep in an embrace under a warm blanket, which you so dreamed about on bitter lonely evenings. You can edit a short film for him, the main plot of which will be the story of how you missed him.

In fact, when you are interested in preparing some kind of surprise for your loved one, firstly, time flies just instantly, so you can also have fun from the heart. Plus, it's nice to give gifts! But also choose, buy, pack, hide, sign kind words your gift is also very nice! Do not waste time in vain, when will you still be able to calmly prepare a surprise for your beloved if you are always at home together?

3. Photoshoot

And now let's try to come up with a surprise for your loved one that you can give him while he is still far from you. Arrange yourself a beautiful (better, of course, erotic) photo session, and send the photos later by mail. How nice it will be for you to dress up, make up and smile seductively for your beloved! And how pleasant it will be for him to receive photographs of his beloved, whom he, too, has not seen for a long time!

You can do this literally every day, for example, in the evenings. At the same time, it is not necessary to order a professional photographer, every girl already knows how she does it best, and all cameras have a timer that will allow her, after she presses the shutter button, to have time to run to the right place and depict the desired image.

Do not overwhelm him with millions of your photos, 3-4 from each evening will be enough: and it’s not very expensive and long for you to shoot and process this whole thing, and he won’t get bored and will want the next evening to come soon, when he finally gets new batch of photos.

4. Slimming

A lot of girls justify their reluctance to start losing weight by the fact that even if they go on a diet, they will still break down, because for their beloved they will continue to cook all sorts of tasty treats that are harmless to him. Great, here's your opportunity! They say that the most difficult are just the first two or three weeks, then the body begins to more or less get used to it, and it becomes much easier to restrain yourself and show willpower.

And imagine how happy you will be and show off new results to him, which are already simply unrealistically noticeable. You will meet him happy, self-satisfied, confident and therefore, of course, very beautiful! Wow, in my opinion, such a great way to get over separation!

5. Romantic calls and SMS

Let's go back to when you first started dating. Remember how you reacted when you received a text message from him? Wow, I'm sure that in your soul you were dancing quietly and rejoicing. And now what is happening? What do you see and write in your SMS? "Buy some bread", "Let's not go anywhere, I'm tired" or "I'll be late at work, I'm sorry." A little positive and flirting, agree. Of course, I am considering the most extreme stage, but I think you understand me. And when your husband left, what would you most like to write about? Of course! So they flew - romantic SMS with the words "I love you so much!", "I miss you terribly!" and so on! And it's wonderful!

What about calls? Remember the last time you talked to your husband for more than 10 minutes? That's right, because this time is just enough to list all the products that need to be bought or explain how to get to the market where onions are sold the cheapest. What about apart? So much unsaid and interesting appears, how much you need to tell each other! An hour or two in the company with a native voice fly by unnoticed, and, in my opinion, it's great! In addition, this is one of the.

6. Rest from women's duties

And now let's selfishly, but honestly, talk about why it is sometimes beneficial to be separated from your beloved man.

We all love to keep the house clean and tidy, that it smells of something delicious cooking in the kitchen, that sinks, toilets and bathrooms shine, and that clothes are always washed and ironed. When a woman lives with a man, most, and sometimes even all, of these tasks she has to perform alone, which is not very easy, especially when she also works.

Take a break from the daily routine! I'm not telling you to grow old dust and completely forget about elementary hygiene products, but why not give yourself some days of rest. In addition, you must admit, a good half of the duties simply come to naught, cooking for yourself is much easier and more economical, no one throws socks around the house, you may create some kind of mess yourself, but it turns out to be half as much!

You need to wash and iron half as many things, dishes in the sink do not accumulate a whole mountain, but only 1-2 mugs and a plate. Try to turn this time into your well-deserved women's vacation and spend it truly relaxed. And before arrival, of course, (which again will be twice as easy) and now your house shines with cleanliness as before!

7. Inspiration

How many brilliant novels, poems, paintings, musical works were written under the influence of the heavy separation of two loving hearts! And all why? Because in moments of special suffering, many people are “covered” with a ray of insight and enlightenment, inspiration literally knocks on the door, just have time to write down, draw or play.

Sometimes this happens even simply because of a change of scenery and some kind of renewal of an already established calm, peaceful life. Remember that any shake-ups are only good for you!

Try to create, express your extraordinary personality, pick up brushes, pencils and draw what is happening in your soul! Let you get a complete abstraction and art chaos, the main thing is that you put your whole soul into your picture! Firstly, it will help you emotionally, you will throw out all emotions, including negative ones, and, secondly, perhaps thanks to these passionate impulses you will discover something new and previously unknown in yourself that was previously hidden from you and everyone else! Who knows, maybe someone will really like what you have done and will buy your creation, and over time you will realize that this is your recognition!

8. Hobby

It happens that many women abandon all their old hobbies as soon as they start living with a man. There is simply not enough time, laziness, or simply no longer interesting. This, in principle, of course, is already normal, but it's never too late to start all over again! Why don't you get out your old patterns and still finish that skirt that you started making years ago? Or maybe try knitting. By the way, you can time the surprise that we talked about earlier, tie your loved one a cool stylish scarf, hat, mittens or socks.

Firstly, you will have fun, remembering the old movements, and, secondly, doing your favorite pastime and time flies by! The same goes for other hobbies: embroidery, weaving, jewelry making, drawing or poetry! Your lonely evenings will fly by unnoticed, and this despite the fact that you were once doing what you loved.

Also, you can try something new! You will experience many new experiences, get distracted, and you will have something to tell and something to brag about to your loved one when he returns!

9. Meeting with girlfriends

When we start a serious relationship with someone, as a rule, all friends and girlfriends fade into the background, and you can no longer afford to meet so often! But in vain, because they are your very close people after your beloved man.

Therefore, when your husband is packing his bags and suddenly flies somewhere, feel free to call your friends over and arrange a real bachelorette party for yourself! Finally, you can chat, gossip and laugh heartily. Ask them to help you cope with longing, I think they themselves will definitely not mind, and if they already have husbands themselves, I think they will also give up in front of your compassionate eyes when you ask them to let their girls go with you. You can spend your free time shopping, sports, gatherings in cafes and restaurants, while doing it all together. I think that in this way you will brighten up your loneliness very well and also remember why you once became friends.

10. Learn to exist separately

In fact, you just have to be able to keep yourself busy. This is a very important and adult skill, and I think that you are no longer a child at all. If you don’t know how to cope with free time and energy that appeared out of nowhere, then it’s time to learn this already. Remember that everyone loves self-sufficient and interesting girls. Nobody needs those that hang on you like a heavy burden or stick like leeches, waiting for the next instructions for action.

Learn to manage your life on your own, you will become much stronger and stronger, and, despite the fact that we are still the weaker sex, these qualities in the depths of our souls will not interfere with us at all.

Separation always brings something new into our lives, but if we can cope with the feelings that overwhelm us, directing all our life forces into some useful activity, it becomes much easier to wait out the days when you are far from each other. I hope that you still won't have to be separated for a long time, but if this happens, you will already know what to do! And how do you experience forced “loneliness”? Share with me your experience! I would be very interested to know something about you!

Let's talk about the situation when it's too late to return something - decisions have been made, he / she doesn't want it anymore, and you, perhaps, can't do it anymore. A loved one leaves, and you understand that you have no other choice but to try to survive the breakup.

And no matter what happened - someone fell in love with someone else, they just stopped loving you, or maybe they tortured you with suspicions or jealousy or realized that your whole story was a mistake. The main thing is not to return anything, and you are the side that hoped for the best to the last, and therefore it is harder for you to survive it. And the only question is: how to survive a breakup?

Navigation through the article "Getting over a breakup"

Stage 1. Give yourself free rein

This does not mean crying in front of people, just in front of people you need to keep a face. But at home, especially if there is no one else there but you, you must allow yourself to do the opposite. Beat dishes, scream loudly in the bathroom, swear in the most terrible words you want to use.

Anything that helps get rid of the pain and throw out aggression, but at the same time it is safe for you and for the neighbors. Also, do not discount your favorite folk way - talking in the kitchen. If you do at least one of the above, everything is fine with you and the process goes on as usual, but if you are with an empty look, then this is more of an alarming symptom.

Unfortunately, such a stupor immediately after a breakup means that you have suppressed, blocked your painful emotions. And, therefore, they run the risk of finding shelter in your internal organs, and instead of external experiences, you will "to worry" somatically, that is, diseases.

It can, of course, lie on a hospital bed - more noble and aesthetically pleasing, but in the end it is much more dangerous to health. which you may need in the future.

Stage 2. Use the energy of the swings

At the second stage of experiencing parting with a loved one, a state occurs that most of all resembles a swing. Acute pain of the first stage is suddenly replaced by euphoria and vice versa. For example, from a very scary “how am I now without him / her, all hopes have collapsed” you will suddenly be thrown into a state “Oh my God, what am I? Yes, now I can choose the best / best in the world!

Everyone has their own list - choose the best one, finally chat with friends or go fishing with friends, don’t give a damn about cleaning or cooking, do something that was problematic on your journey together, indulge in some kind of hobby.

Sometimes at this stage there is "get drunk" And "sleep with anyone". I won’t say that I am for it, but it is at this stage that it is almost useless to try to discipline yourself in any way. Your main task is to benefit from this stage. How?

Eva, 34 years old having parted with a married man who had been on the verge of a divorce for five years, but remained on this verge, having decided to return to the family completely, at that time she felt a desire to finally spend time on friends ... who were gone, thanks to the presence of a married friend.

In those very moments of euphoria and enlightenment, she grabbed notebook and obsessed with desire "finally be friends" called, chatted, made appointments. And even if by the appointed meeting she already fell back into the loop of longing, nevertheless, she was already obligated by the fact that they were waiting for her. And she walked. This renewed association kept her afloat for the next few months. Without knowing it, Eve created for herself in the world "hooks" who, with some degree of success, helped to survive "kickbacks" in melancholy. And time passed and healed.

Separately, I would like to recall the common folk way "wedge wedge". It is at the second stage that this need arises. Evaluating its effectiveness is a thankless task, because the outcome of the situation always depends on the degree of awareness of each of the partners, on the ability to forgive their offenses, on how quickly the wounds heal for those who went to seek solace in a new union.

There is an opinion that nothing good comes from such unions, and it is better to leave them at the stage "spent time and forgot", do not develop. However, more than once I have come across stories in which serious partnerships arose from such alliances.

Consider the expression itself: "wedge wedge". That is, in a previous relationship, someone was “jammed”, the degree of concentration on a partner, the intensity of passions was, perhaps, pathological, preventing relationships from developing. In the new union "knocking out" old, the partner is selected according to the compensatory principle. If the former partner was, say, too emotional, then the opposite is chosen - a more reasonable and calm partner. If the partner was, for example, with a rich past experience, is selected with a minimum, etc. Of course, a person will not be able to get away from his basic guidelines, and will probably make all the same requirements for ideas about relationships, intellectual level, and even appearance. But the mass of everything will be revised in the new union. And not the fact that for the worse. Sometimes it turns out that by choosing a partner precisely according to the compensatory principle, a person automatically insures himself against a repetition of the previous relationship scenario.

And if this is still realized and worked out within oneself, then such "work on mistakes" can sometimes be even more effective than sitting alone. Experiencing a breakup with a partner and choosing a scenario "wedge wedge" you should always be aware of only one thing: your potential partner is not to blame for the fact that you were abandoned and abandoned, and therefore he cannot become guilty, and therefore punished for your own mistakes in previous relationships.

And, if the thirst for revenge is too strong, then it’s better for you to really sit alone and, on occasion, talk with a specialist about ways to overcome the thirst for revenge. And remember that if you nevertheless decided on a new relationship relatively quickly, the next two stages, the partner will already be with you, which means that you will have to think not only about yourself.

Stage 3. Fatigue

Very often, at this stage of the experience of parting, a person begins to be haunted by thoughts and emotions that, it would seem, have nothing to do with the parting that happened. For example, chronic panic about the supposedly not turned off iron.

Or not so done work, fear of complaints from the authorities. Sometimes it happens that "everything is falling apart" Even the clothes don't fit right. It's starting "hand over" severely frayed nerves in the first two stages. As a rule, somatic diseases are also connected - the head will start to hurt and feel dizzy, the pressure will jump, or even some long-forgotten chronic problems will surface.

In general, it is at this stage that it is advisable to turn to a specialist psychologist, and if things have gone very far, then to a doctor. In any case, this is the period when you should seriously take care of your condition. At least feed the body with vitamins, arrange classes in a sports club, and watch what you eat and drink. It is during this period that it is worth adopting any spiritual practice that is acceptable to you - weekly attendance at services in the temple and evening prayer, meditation, group yoga, other energy practices.

The physical and mental should at this moment be directed towards one goal - peace, which would previously have been pointless to achieve. This is exactly the stage when, having “been raging”, you must begin to accustom yourself to discipline - it is she who will allow you to overcome the next, most insidious stage:

Stage 4. Depression

In this case, I use the word "depression" not in the meaning of a clinical diagnosis, but in the meaning of poorly controlled depression of varying severity. And at this stage, one thing is important: not to break. Not to lose everything that you successfully (hopefully) went through in the previous stages. If you were able to pass them correctly, then you now have some kind of circle of friends that you gained in the first stages, you have the rhythm of life and discipline, and perhaps you were even able to start building personal relationships as a first approximation, and also taught themselves to take care of themselves and have long thrown out the most acute emotions.

What's next? And then you need to learn to derive pleasure from the little things. This stage of experiencing parting with a loved one is characterized by a loss of meaning. “Well, I take care of my health, but why? Well, I communicate with friends - so what? Nothing. Accustom yourself to the idea that for a while it will be "Nothing" and this is not a reason to change anything in the established order.

Galina, 42 years old. When her beloved left her, after some time an old dream woke up - to learn how to dance flamenco. And she went to the club. At times I didn’t feel like walking, and at times my soul simply sang with joy.

But there came a moment when everything began to seem meaningless, and attempts to get out of the situation too. At the sessions, she said that it was just window dressing on her part, that she would not prove anything to anyone, that she could not enjoy anything.

However, we have developed a rule: “for some time not to demand from yourself neither joy nor pleasure, just do it”. It turned out that it was most difficult for Galina to come to terms with the idea that she "not the same as before", but as soon as we managed to reduce her demands on ourselves - "be persistent, be cheerful, be optimistic", then it turned out that living without meaning and just doing it is not so scary.

And then it turned out that it even becomes pleasant, because you can enjoy the meaningless sewing of outfits, music, high-heeled shoes, meaningless walks around the city, the meaningless making of home knick-knacks ... And do not run anywhere, and do not strive anywhere.

This stage of experiencing parting, with the right approach, becomes obsolete, because it already becomes even laziness replay in my head endless accusatory speeches against the offender and make plans for revenge.

Effect of surveillance and demonstration during the experience of separation

This is also worth talking about separately. Very often, many who are experiencing a breakup have a desire to follow the life of another, which is now, with the prevalence of the Internet and various social networks not such a difficult thing.

If you are the left side, then think about why you are doing this? What emotions are you waiting for? If you are looking for confirmation that your partner is not doing well, then you still want to prove to yourself and the world that your partner was wrong by breaking up with you.

And behind this is the desire to confirm their value and significance. From which we can draw a direct conclusion that you yourself do not feel valuable or significant. The feeling of inferiority has another side: a sense of one's own exclusivity and importance, a desire for superiority over other men / women in your partner's life.

But it is possible that for one reason or another, the partner wanted to become happy without you, and, bumping into evidence of his completely normal life, you only multiply your pain. It is better to understand the origins of this inner inferiority. And first of all, to give to yourself what you did not give, namely respect, care, recognition. No one will solve this problem for you, no matter what praises your friends and relatives sing to you. Only you can decide for yourself whether you are an important person in your life or not.

It also happens that the departed side follows the left. As a rule, this is the realization of revenge, the desire to enjoy someone else's pain. And behind this, too, is the lack of agreement with oneself: if you were sure of the correctness of the step, then what difference does it make to you how the person you left behind lives?

And if you are angry that he is not going to die, it means that you doubted the correctness of the step. Talk to yourself - maybe it wasn’t the desire to really break off the relationship that made you leave, but some other fears, perhaps you took this step only because you were afraid that they would leave you? This is also a topic for a serious conversation with yourself: you run the risk of repeating the same scenario in other relationships and once again losing loved one through his own fault. And the guilt before oneself will deepen and aggravate the already oppressed state.

A frank demonstration of one's happiness to the left side is also a sign of the unresolved number of internal issues. Why are you taking revenge on a person? Resentment is a thing that is better to get rid of in the early stages, because later it can find shelter much deeper than just emotions and degenerate into somatic diseases.

And if you demonstrate to the side of the departed, then, of course, you prove that the partner was wrong, and it has already been written above about what to look for in yourself. Very often such "games" go on for almost years - everyone knows that he is being watched and everyone is trying to demonstrate something, and even openly hurt his partner. But do you always understand what is really behind the partner's actions?

Ivan, 33 years old, broke up with his beloved woman on her initiative. The parting was hard, but being a restrained person, he shared it with few people. He came to me literally immediately, a week after the break. We did not develop a specific behavioral strategy with him, we worked with emotions, but after 3 months he was introduced to a girl with whom a relationship began.

He did not make big plans, he believed that it was too early for him to think about serious relationship until he survived to the end of the gap. They just started dating. Six months passed, relations developed and strengthened. Slowly Ivan plunged into new life, trying to work out the emerging painful emotions about the past in time.

And after some time, he discovered that he was being followed, followed by an attempt by his ex-girlfriend to sling mud at a wide audience. And, what is most interesting, he was sincerely surprised by this fact, because he was sure that she simply forgot everything. horrible dream, because she often let him know that she did not value their relationship and in many ways they did not suit her.

And he believed. He believed further, believing that, probably, she lives much happier than with him. And tried not to accumulate resentment. And I didn’t even think that she would want to look for him on the net. He commented to me like this: “she probably never could tell me the truth that I was dear to her, and that she loved me, and now she realized that it was too late”.

Perhaps at the end of this article I will give only one piece of advice:

Don't lie to your loved ones. Feel free to confess your feelings. After all, then the truth may be too late, and between you there will be only aggression and pain.

And maybe if you trust the person on time, separation would not have happened at all. And no matter how painful it is now, pleasure and joy will definitely return. Because the darkest time of the day is just before dawn.

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