A way to create deep relationships with people. How to make relationships deep

Many women are faced with the fact that a few years after marriage, relationships become simply everyday, depth, intimacy and intimacy are lost from them.
It seems that we already know everything about each other, and sometimes we get bored, there is a feeling of dullness in relationships, and in life in general. And sometimes you want romance, beauty, so that not only width, but also depth appears in a relationship.
How to keep relationships interesting and fascinating? How can we continue to admire each other? How to learn to love even deeper or to love again if feelings have cooled?
Firstly, you need to free yourself from your egoism and understand that if you think that you know everything about your husband, it only means that you haven’t dug deep at all and that behind the image that you have, there may be an amazingly wise man hiding , sublime and very interesting!
Think about whether you are ready to get to know this person deeper? Do you want this?
A deep relationship does NOT mean that you are listened to with bated breath all the time, but it is also your ability to sincerely listen and admire your man, even if your points of view do not coincide.
Many men do not open up to women at all because they argue uncontrollably and prove that they are right. In such conditions, a man cannot and does not want to develop and invest in relationships.
Relationships are truly harmonious when people can be as different as they like, but still admire and appreciate their partner without losing their individuality. Then in this relationship it is interesting for both the man and the woman.
If you want to change your husband, this will only remove him from you, so the first breakthrough to a beautiful and intimate relationship lies through accepting your husband for who he is. And you may not even know what he is like until you open your heart and start asking questions and observing.
And let you be different, even if your points of view do not coincide, and even if your husband thinks differently from what is said in the Vedas - DO NOT argue, DO NOT prove that you are right. Dogmatism and rigidity of opinions are very unbecoming for a woman. There is room for every point of view in this world! Be flexible!
And when you feel a person, understand him, live deep states with him, you cannot help but love him. It's a very mutual process, believe me. When you begin to love sincerely and be interested, the opposite side becomes interested in you, and to loving people There are always warm feelings.
I will share hidden rituals that deepen relationships. Most of them go back to ancient times; they helped family happiness then, and they still help now:
Hand feed each other.
This is an ancient practice that also helps a man and woman exchange the energy of love and intimacy. An important point is precisely that food should be given not from cutlery, but from hands.
Eating food is a sacred and spiritual process! When we eat, our consciousness is open, which is why in many traditions it is forbidden to eat with people who have bad karma, bad habits, and negative moods. Everything that happens around us during a meal is absorbed into our consciousness, so it is very harmful to watch TV, do other things and talk about bad things while eating.
But when a husband and wife hand feed each other, love is exchanged, tenderness, satisfaction, intimacy and acceptance occurs. At the same time, the strength of both increases, and the relationship becomes deeper!
You can first try feeding each other with a spoon, and then switch to hand feeding)
The advantage of this tradition is that with its help a woman learns to accept from a man, and she can also convey her love and tenderness through food in a way that she could not convey it in words.

Foot massage for husband

This practice cleanses relationships of heavy karma, correctly builds a hierarchy in the family, and a correct exchange of energies also occurs. The husband becomes more responsible, courageous, and treats his wife with greater tenderness and care. Many have already tried to massage their husband’s feet and, seeing the results, introduced it into the family tradition.
Husband combing his wife's hair
During this mystical process, a woman receives subtle protection from a man, she develops a sense of security, trust, and the man receives the energy of love and humility from his wife, which makes him more powerful.

Dancing

Sing together.

In one scripture I read that in the spiritual world, every word is a song, every step is a dance... Why not start embodying such wonderful traditions in your families, because singing together is an amazing feeling of unity, love, acceptance .
Songs and music have always played a very important role in my life. At first, when I lived in the temple, we sang together every day and it was just an amazing experience when not just voices, but also hearts and souls sound in a song in one bar.
When I returned from the temple, we often took the guitar and sang with Katya after trainings, on trips and trips, and then I got married and my husband and I sang mantras and various songs.
Songs reveal the center of the heart; it is not without reason that subcultures are formed based on music. Learn to sing together with your husband, read poetry out loud, or just listen to music. This will bring you incredibly closer!
Reading books (especially if they are some kind of spiritual books).
Comprehending spiritual knowledge together brings us very much together, because this is already the level of the soul, and not just the body. My husband and I did this too, we read scriptures and discussed our perceptions of it, and just recently we started reading together amazing book Radhanatha Swami's “Journeys Home” - we have so many realizations at once, this process brings us very close, even if you just sit together and read the same book.

Games

This is a wonderful way to make a relationship not just deep, to be close not only as husband and wife, but to make friends, as children can do. After all, the childhood friends with whom we played our first games remain forever in our hearts and memories.
Can be played Board games, intellectual, psychological (such as tests from Cocology) and get to know each other more and more deeply with body, mind, soul. Games often involve a lot of fun, laughter, and joy, and this certainly brings us closer together!
What can you play?

Confidence.

This is a wonderful practice that I met at one of the trainings and which greatly helped me in terms of trusting my husband. You need to take a thick scarf (it’s good if it’s light) and ask your husband to blindfold you. And after that he should introduce you to the space of the house/apartment/garden.
In this practice, the woman learns to follow and the man to lead. I know that even the most ordinary men who have never been interested in any practices really like this;) When else does a woman give the opportunity to lead herself? ;) Usually they immediately take advantage of this opportunity.
Believe me, the result will be very interesting. When I was working on trusting my husband, I actually put on a blindfold and a cap and we walked around the city like that all day. He held my hand, showing me the way. At the end of the day, I learned to understand and feel without his words and I felt absolutely comfortable next to him, I felt trust and safety.

Kokology.

Couple Ministry Together

This is the most highest level intimacy in relationships - when two people can unite to serve God, society, nature. I have met similar families, they often live in perfect harmony, understanding each other without words, and their eyes glow with deep love.
One family I know has been serving God together for many years; they have a surprisingly harmonious relationship. When I began to look at their horoscopes, I was very surprised, because they had practically no compatibility according to the cards, and when I began to talk with them, they honestly admitted that at the beginning of the relationship there were constant quarrels, scandals, because in this relationship everyone I wanted to enjoy it in my own way.
But then knowledge and a spiritual path appeared in their lives, and when they joined forces to serve God, their relationship became full of love. And this service opened their eyes to best qualities each other.
So look for common ground, travel together, create something together, meditate together, participate in charity projects, help people, look in the same direction and not just at each other.
And, of course, do not forget about a man’s personal space. Sometimes the best investment a woman can make in a relationship is to give the man a few hours of solitude, when he can collect his thoughts, think things through, get bored and realize what a wonderful wife he has. After all, a man’s love only increases from a distance;)
I wish you deep intimate relationships, so that love, acceptance and trust live in your hearts!

Call.

Your private children's family clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst in Moscow.

Deep women are amazing people. They are brave and strong. They love deeply and passionately, which distinguishes them from other people.

But, despite the fact that deep women have high intelligence, pure heart and a kind soul, it is difficult for them to find their person. Most often they are accused of being “too”...

This is also interesting because, usually, men strive for just such women. But few can withstand their power. And here are 8 reasons why:

1. A deep woman is not a fool

She understands the true nature of a person and his intentions, and is able to discern a liar. But with something like this it’s difficult.

2. A deep woman is honest

Brutally honest. It is honesty that she wants more than anything else from her man and demands reciprocity from him. And this is also very difficult for some men.

3. She wants a deep relationship

A deep woman takes everything in her life seriously. And to relationships. And she doesn’t want to waste time on empty relationships that lead neither to passion nor to something more significant.

4. Craves consistency

She cannot tolerate inconsistency and chaotic behavior. She wants a deep and strong connection with a man, and not everyone can give this.

5. Knows what he wants

Or whoever he wants. But she wants a man who would share her principles and views on the world.

6. Not afraid of intimacy

On the contrary, she strives for intimacy, despite the fact that it may traumatize her. And intimate intimacy is the most important thing for her in a relationship.

7. She's tense

A deep woman does everything to the fullest, with passion. It is this desire to get the most out of everything that does not allow her to relax.

8. She won't wait for you

A deep woman will not wait for you to decide something about your relationship. She'll just move on.

Click " Like» and get the best posts on Facebook!

We cannot form deep and emotionally meaningful relationships with every person we meet. Sometimes you can find practical meaning in this. If you rarely meet a person and don't spend a lot of time together, you probably don't see the point in developing a relationship.

However, superficial relationships in a couple will suit few people. Especially if you want to feel a deeper connection with a person. In such a situation, many questions arise.

Let's start with the fact that if you are trying to understand what your relationship is like, and are even willing to read an article to figure it out, this is already an indicator: you care. But even if you yourself are a deep person, this does not guarantee a deep relationship. After all, they depend not only on you. If both people are unable or unwilling to connect on a deeper level, the relationship will fizzle out.

Even if your partner is a deep person, this does not mean that he is right for you. At the same time, communicating with people who understand you on a deep level brings more joy and satisfaction.

Some are afraid to get too close, others cannot, and others can, but understand the depth of relationships differently

What to do if you and your partner have too “easy” a connection? If the partner is unable (or not interested) to establish serious relationship, you should adjust your own expectations. Perhaps he is afraid of getting close too quickly or understands the depth of a relationship differently than you do.

If your partner also wants to take the relationship to another level, and his ideas about a “deep” relationship coincide with yours, you are in luck. And if not? How do you know if he's ready for intimacy?

Here are 27 characteristics of superficial relationships that may help you understand the situation.

Your relationship is superficial if...

1. You don’t know what your partner wants from life and what he is interested in.

2. You don't understand how similar or different your life values ​​are.

3. You don't know in what ways you are compatible or incompatible.

4. You can't put yourself in your partner's shoes.

5. You don't talk about your feelings and experiences.

6. You constantly try to control each other.

7. You don't think about what your partner needs from you.

8. You don't know what you need from your partner.

9. You constantly argue and fight over little things.

10. Your entire relationship revolves around fun, pleasure (or some one aspect).

11. You gossip behind each other's backs.

12. You spend little time together.

13. You don't care life goals each other.

14. You constantly fantasize about being in a relationship with someone else.

15. You lie to each other.

16. You don't know how to politely disagree with each other.

17. You have never discussed personal boundaries.

18. Your sex is mechanical.

19. Sex only brings pleasure to one of the partners.

20. You don't have sex.

21. You don't talk about sex.

22. You don’t know each other’s life story.

23. You avoid looking each other in the eyes.

24. You avoid physical contact.

25. You don't think about your partner when he or she is away.

26. Your partner does not share your dreams and aspirations.

27. In a relationship, someone constantly manipulates someone else.

If you recognize your partner based on the above points, this does not mean that your relationship is shallow. In a union where partners are not indifferent to each other and recognize each other as independent individuals with their own experiences and emotions, the items on the list are less common.

• How to keep relationships interesting and fascinating?
• How can we continue to admire each other?
• How to learn to love even deeper or to love again if feelings have cooled?

Think about whether you are ready to get to know this person deeper? Do you want this?

Relationships are truly harmonious when people can be as different as they like, but still admire and appreciate their partner without losing their individuality. Then in this relationship it is interesting for both the man and the woman.

Many women are faced with the fact that a few years after marriage, relationships become simply everyday, depth, intimacy and intimacy are lost from them. It seems that we already know everything about each other, and sometimes we get bored, there is a feeling of dullness in relationships, and in life in general. And sometimes you want romance, beauty, so that not only width, but also depth appears in a relationship.

Firstly, you need to free yourself from your egoism and understand that if you think that you know everything about your husband, it only means that you haven’t dug deep at all and that behind the image that you have, there may be an amazingly wise man hiding , sublime and very interesting!

Think about whether you are ready to get to know this person deeper? Do you want this?

A deep relationship does not mean that you are listened to with bated breath all the time, but it is also your ability to sincerely listen and admire your man, even if your points of view do not coincide. Many men do not open up to women at all because they argue uncontrollably and prove that they are right. In such conditions, a man cannot and does not want to develop and invest in relationships.

Relationships are truly harmonious when people can be as different as they like, but still admire and appreciate their partner without losing their individuality. Then in this relationship it is interesting for both the man and the woman.

If you want to change your husband, this will only remove him from you, so the first breakthrough to a beautiful and intimate relationship lies through accepting your husband as he is. And you may not even know what he is like until you open your heart and start asking questions and observing. And even if you are different, even if your points of view do not coincide, and even if your husband thinks differently from what is said in the Vedas - do not argue, do not prove that you are right. Dogmatism and rigidity of opinions are very unbecoming for a woman. There is room for every point of view in this world! Be flexible!

And when you feel a person, understand him, live deep states with him - you cannot help but love him. It's a very mutual process, believe me. When you begin to love sincerely and be interested, the opposite side becomes interested in you, and warm feelings always arise towards loving people.

I will share hidden rituals that deepen relationships. Most of them go back to ancient times; they helped family happiness then, and they still help now:

Hand feed each other

This is an ancient practice that also helps a man and woman exchange the energy of love and intimacy. The important point is that food should be given not from cutlery, but from your hands. Eating food is a sacred and spiritual process! When we eat, our consciousness is open, which is why in many traditions it is forbidden to eat with people who have bad karma, bad habits, and negative moods. Everything that happens around us during a meal is absorbed into our consciousness, so it is very harmful to watch TV, do other things and talk about bad things while eating. But when a husband and wife hand feed each other, love is exchanged, tenderness, satisfaction, intimacy and acceptance occurs. At the same time, the strength of both increases, and the relationship becomes deeper!

You can first try feeding each other with a spoon, and then switch to hand feeding)

The advantage of this tradition is that with its help a woman learns to accept from a man, and she can also convey her love and tenderness through food in a way that she could not convey it in words.

Foot massage for husband

This practice cleanses relationships of heavy karma, correctly builds hierarchy in the family, and a correct exchange of energies also occurs. The husband becomes more responsible, courageous, and treats his wife with greater tenderness and care. Many have already tried to massage their husband’s feet and, seeing the results, have introduced it into the family tradition.

Husband combing his wife's hair

During this mystical process, the woman receives subtle protection from the man, she develops a sense of security, trust, and the man receives the energy of love and humility from his wife, which makes him more powerful.

Dancing

Sing along

In one scripture I read that in the spiritual world, every word is a song, every step is a dance... Why not start embodying such wonderful traditions in your families, because singing together is an amazing feeling of unity, love, acceptance. Songs and music have always played a very important role in my life. At first, when I lived in the temple, we sang together every day and it was just an amazing experience when not just voices, but also hearts and souls sound in a song in one bar. When I returned from the temple, we often took the guitar and sang with Katya after trainings, on trips and trips, and then I got married and my husband and I sang mantras and various songs. Songs reveal the center of the heart; it is not without reason that subcultures are formed based on music. Learn to sing together with your husband, read poetry out loud, or just listen to music. This will bring you incredibly closer!
Reading books (especially if they are some kind of spiritual books).

Comprehending spiritual knowledge together brings us very much together, because this is already the level of the soul, and not just the body. My husband and I also did this, read the scriptures and discussed our perception of this, and just recently we started reading together Radhanatha Swami’s amazing book “Journeys Home” - we immediately had so many realizations, this process brings us very close, even if you are just sitting together and read the same book.

Games

Games are a wonderful way to make relationships not just deep, to be close not only as husband and wife, but to make friends as children know how to do. After all, the childhood friends with whom we played our first games remain forever in our hearts and memories. You can play board games, intellectual games, psychological games (like tests from Cocology) and get to know each other more and more deeply in body, mind, and soul. Games often involve a lot of fun, laughter, and joy, and this certainly brings us closer together!
What can you play?

Confidence.

This is a wonderful practice that I met at one of the trainings and which greatly helped me in terms of trusting my husband. You need to take a thick scarf (it’s good if it’s light) and ask your husband to blindfold you. And after that he should introduce you to the space of the house/apartment/garden. In this practice, the woman learns to follow and the man to lead. I know that even the most ordinary men who have never been interested in any practices really like this one. When else does a woman give the opportunity to lead herself? Usually they immediately take advantage of this opportunity. Believe me, the result will be very interesting. When I was working on trusting my husband, I actually put on a blindfold and a cap and we walked around the city like that all day. He held my hand, showing me the way. At the end of the day, I learned to understand and feel without his words and I felt absolutely comfortable next to him, I felt trust and safety.

Kokology.

There are funny tests by a Japanese psychologist, they are based on psychological associations. The test simulates interesting and funny situations. You need to answer questions one by one, and the key to the tests is the interpretation of the answers. This usually causes a lot of laughter and fun, but there is a lot of truth there and such a pastime will help you get to know each other better. You can find two of his books on the Internet, they are called “Cocology”.
What if...

The essence of this practice is to ask thought-provoking questions. For example:

What would you do if life could turn out the way you want now? If everything were possible, what would you like it to be like?
What would you do if you knew you had six months to live? Three days? How would you live them?
And if you could go back in time from the present time, what would you say to your then self? To advise?
What would you do if you had a million right now? How would you spend it?

Ask your man questions, ask yourself, get to know each other, open your hearts to each other. Being with a woman should not only be calm and beautiful, but also interesting. A woman, like a magic mirror, can help a man see the hero in himself if she focuses on good qualities, and can make an absolute sub-goal, constantly concentrating on the bad.

Discuss interesting films.

Nowadays there are a huge number of spiritual, wise, instructive films about selfless love, about God, about spiritual development. Watch them, discuss them - it's a wonderful experience. You will be able to find out your point of view loved one, understand him more deeply and love him even more.

Attend trainings together

Joint development brings people closer together, especially if a woman is not trying to prove that she is smarter and more capable. Attend programs, trainings, courses - together it’s interesting, besides, you can then ask your husband anything you don’t understand and he will explain it to you. Men are pleased to accept the role of teacher for a woman.

The highest level of intimacy in a relationship is a joint ministry of a couple - when two people can unite to serve God, society, and nature. I have met similar families, they often live in perfect harmony, understanding each other without words, and their eyes glow with deep love. One family I know has been serving God together for many years; they have a surprisingly harmonious relationship. When I began to look at their horoscopes, I was very surprised, because they had practically no compatibility on the cards and when I began to talk with them, they honestly admitted that at the beginning of the relationship there were constant quarrels and scandals, because in these relationships everyone wanted to enjoy in their own way, but then knowledge, a spiritual path appeared in their lives, and when they joined forces to serve God, their relationship became full of love. And this service opened their eyes to each other's best qualities.

So look for common ground, travel together, create something together, meditate together, participate in charity projects, help people, look in the same direction and not just at each other.

And, of course, do not forget about a man’s personal space. Sometimes the best investment a woman can make in a relationship is to give the man a few hours of solitude, when he can collect his thoughts, think things through, get bored and realize what a wonderful wife he has. After all, a man’s love only increases from a distance.

I wish you deep intimate relationships, so that love, acceptance and trust live in your hearts!

Deep, cordial relationships are also relationships of trust. We are understood and accepted for who we are. A happy marriage or close friendship provides us with this wonderful opportunity: these relationships are built on trust, and therefore we are not afraid to open up, because we are confident that this will not deprive us of the affection of the other person (Holmes & Rempel, 1989). Such relationships are characterized by what the late Sidney Jurard called self-disclosure(Derlega et al., 1993). As the relationship develops, self-disclosing partners become more and more aware Yu t about each other; at first it may be superficial information, but gradually this “mutual knowledge” becomes more and more profound.

Experimentally studied how causes, encouraging self-disclosure and his influence.When people are most inclined to answer such intimate questions as “What do you like and dislike about yourself?” or “What are you most ashamed of and most proud of?”?

We are more open when we are “out of sorts”—when we are upset or angry about something (Stiles et al., 1992). We are also more open with people with whom we expect to continue relationships in the future (Shaffer et al., 1996). People who demonstrate a secure attachment style are more likely to self-disclose than others (Keelan et al., 1998). However, the most credible result is that found by researchers self-disclosure reciprocity effect: frankness causes frankness (Berg, 1987; Miller, 1990; Reis & Shaver, 1988). We are more frank with those who have been frank with us. However, frankness is rarely sudden. (Otherwise, the “confessor” may seem to us insincere or a person somewhat “out of his mind.”) The partners approach trust relationships gradually, and this movement is like a dance: first I told a little about myself, then you told a little about yourself. But not too much. When you open up a little more, I will answer you in kind.

<Вы спрашиваете, кто такой друг? Я отвечу. Это человек, с которым вы можете быть самим собой, ничем не рискуя. Frank Crane,Definition of Friendship>

For lovers, deepening intimacy is a source of greatest joy. "Deepening intimacy enhances the feeling passionate love"(Baumeister & Bratslavsky, 1999). Once a certain level of intimacy is reached, passion subsides. This helps to understand why those who enter into a new marriage after the loss of a spouse tend to begin it with intense sexual contacts and why the passion often becomes stronger after restoration intimate relationships interrupted by a serious conflict. “Passion and friendship are two the most important conditions relationship satisfaction" (Hendrick & Hendrick, 1997). If they are met, two can “go in the same harness”: deepening friendship fuels passion.

Some people - especially women - have a rare gift of "confessional": they encourage openness even in those who are usually not very inclined to "let strangers into their souls" (Miller et al., 1983; Pegalis et al., 1994; Shaffer et al. ., 1996). As a rule, such people know how to listen to their interlocutors. During a conversation, they are all attention and with their whole appearance they make it clear that they enjoy it (Purvis et al., 1984). They may also say certain phrases from time to time to show the speaker that they support him. Psychologist Carl Rogers (1980) called such people “developing listeners”: they are responsive and caring, they know how to empathize others, sincerely in expressing their own feelings and are able to understand the feelings of others.

(Marriage agency. “We provide services to people who can keep secrets and are computer literate...”

I prefer people who are as secretive as myself.)

What does such self-disclosure lead to? Jourard argued that throwing off masks, allowing others to know us as we truly are, creates love (Jourard, 1964). He proceeds from the fact that if our frankness is responded to with frankness, it means that they trust us, and this, of course, is useful for us. For example, having a close friend with whom we can discuss things that pose a threat to our self-image can make us more likely to experience stress if the threats are realized (Swann & Predmore, 1985). True friendship is special relationship, which help us maintain other relationships. “When my friend is nearby,” wrote the ancient Roman philosopher and playwright Seneca, “it seems to me that I am alone, and I have the right not only to think about what I want, but also to talk about it.” The best option for marriage is precisely this kind of friendship, sealed by mutual devotion.

Confidential self-disclosure is also one of the greatest pleasures that love-friendship can give. Those spouses and lovers who are open with each other have the greatest chance of having lasting and satisfying relationships (Berg & McQuinn, 1986; Hendrick & others, 1988; Sprecher, 1987). According to a national survey of married couples conducted by the Gallup Institute, 75% of those spouses who pray together described their marriages as very happy, but only 57% of spouses who do not (Greeley, 1991). For believing spouses, joint prayer, coming from the depths of the soul, is an act of humble, intimate and emotional self-disclosure. Spouses who pray together are more likely to report discussing their family problems, respect each other and consider each other good lovers.

Researchers have also found that women are often more willing to talk about their fears and weaknesses than men (Cunningham, 1981). Kate Millett put it this way: “Women express [their feelings] and men repress [them]” (Millett, 1975). However modern men- and especially those who do not share the prejudices associated with gender roles - are increasingly discovering the benefits that come from openness and satisfaction in relationships based on mutual trust and self-disclosure. And this, according to Arthur Aron and Elaine Aron, is the quintessence of love: two self-revealing individuals connected to each other, identifying themselves with each other; two individuals who, while maintaining their individuality, also have common interests, enjoy these similarities and support each other (Figure 11.8) (Aron & Aron, 1994).

Rice. 11.8. Love: mutual “sprouting” of individuals into each other: you become part of me, and I become part of you. ( Source: A. L. Weber & J. H. Weber. Perspective on Close Relationships. Copyright 1994 by Allyn & Bacon)

If this is indeed the case, is it possible to cultivate intimacy through situations that reproduce the growing intimacy of people in a relationship? friendly relations? The Arons and their colleagues attempted to answer this question (Aron & Aron, 1997). They invited student volunteers and paired people who didn't know each other and had to talk for 45 minutes. They spent the first 15 minutes exchanging thoughts, following a list of personal but not very intimate questions, such as: “When was the last time you hummed something to yourself?” The next 15 minutes were devoted to more intimate topics. One of the questions asked during this time was: “What memory do you treasure most?” And finally, the final 15 minutes required even more self-disclosure, because they included such requests and questions: “Complete this sentence: “I would like to have a friend with whom I could...”” and “When was the last time you cried in front of strangers?” ? Alone?"

Compared to subjects in the control group, who spent those 45 minutes engaging in small talk (“Tell me about your school,” “What holiday do you like most?”), subjects who went through a certain path to self-disclosure said that the interlocutor became very close to them; as the researchers determined - “closer than the closest friends for 30% of their classmates.” Of course, in this relationship there was neither the loyalty nor devotion inherent in real friendship, but the experiment was striking proof of how quickly, when people are willing to self-disclose, close relationships can develop between them.